Disillusioned in Paradise

Island Retreat, is it possible?

2012-01-03T10:27:00.001-05:00

I'm not going to lie to you, vacationing in the Bahamas is not cheap. Jet fuel is expensive and depending on where your origin point is you might be looking at nearly $1K in travel fees alone unless you get creative. For reference's sake, a round trip ticket from Fort Lauderdale, FL to Nassau, The Bahamas is usually around $200, give or take.

Hotel fares can range depending on the size and star rating of the hotel, and most charge per person, per night. Not to mention whatever hidden fees that may also entail. My idea is to look for a villa/condo style place, which sacrifices certain comforts but allows us to pack in more people at a low rate.

Food is also expensive, as well as some forms of entertainment. The people of the Bahamas don't set the tariffs, but the consumers pay for them with almost every good we purchase.

Those warnings out of the way, there are over 700 islands, rocks and cays in the Bahamas, with 14 of them being major inhabited islands. I'll edit this post later with which ones specifically are easily accessible by land or sea without requiring charter services.

So some questions, and I'll add more when I think of them.

1. What is the best time of the year for you to travel?

2. Are you under aged and thus would require a waiver from your parents to travel?

3. How much money are you feasibly able to spend?

4. How important is it to you to have a constant Internet connection, even if it is only through mobile?

5. Can you commit to such a trip?

6. I am not wealthy and hold a low paying job. If you want to make the trip but need minimal assistance, that's fine. Would the community be willing to throw together into a pot from which others can be helped in making the trip?

7. Food allergies. For the love of god, detail them, through email if you prefer.

8. How many days would you be able to allocate?

9. What activities would you be most interested in participating in?

10. If the whole affair is to be treated as a very small scale convention, what events would you most like to see?

If you have any concerns you're not comfortable raising in the comments or you want your responses to be private for some weird reason email us at ssaapodcast@gmail.com.

Compendium of Tweets on The World's Most Popular Manga

2011-12-13T00:03:00.002-05:00

So this all started out in reference to a list of the Top Manga Authors with the poll done by Da Vinci magazine of their readership, book critics, book sellers, etc. And then some Gintama "news" came out and I saw how that was treated and thus this rant was born. I'm immortalizing it here in case it gets buried in the next few hours under a barrage of Kpop related tweets.

I agree with Oda's importance in terms of sales and distribution of his work across age and gender but he's only ever done one story.

I guess even if he manages to end One Piece and his next manga is a failure he'll always be remembered fondly, but damn.

One Piece is great and popular, but there are so many other great series out there and I feel like the fans are pretty isolated from that.

And this isn't just because I do podcasts on two other Weekly Shonen Jump titles.

Well I do have it in my blood. RT @sam6782: @DameDrFoxyB PREACH SISTA PREACH!!!!!

Personally I try to avoid ragging on series I haven't seen/read and I've been seeing some slander lately from One Piece fans. Not cool.

I don't get upset often by shenanigans on Twitter, especially when someone doing it is a fan of a series I don't like, too easy.

Just because "your" series is beloved, more popular than the bible, etc doesn't mean it's flawless. And you'd know that if you read more.

So yeah, I'm behind on One Piece by 3/4 of an arc, I've burned (with fire) a One Piece DVD set, but I don't hate the series in the least.

If you ask any of my friends who read it currently, I was the one who fought with them to expose them to One Piece.

The fans on the other hand, you fuckers are pushing it.

You aren't fighting for the little guy anymore. Regardless of how you felt in the past, One Piece is a juggernaut. Don't be nasty.

People like me, who've fought along side you (and before most of you), you're turning me off to the series entirely.

Because if this is how you're going to behave, why should I, a reasonably level headed adult associate myself with irreverent children?

You're going to say but the series is great, don't let a few idiots turn you off. It'd be okay if it were only a few.

And some of you are so oblivious you don't even realize these tweets are about you.

Every time something particularly stupid comes across my timeline I'm happier we didn't decide to make a One Piece Podcast.

Even though we totally had the chance, and the passion and love for the series, we ended up waiting til we were more mature to branch off and do dedicated podcasts to things we love like Detective Conan, Gintama, Hunter X Hunter & Kpop.

You probably aren't familiar enough to know the comparison, but I don't need to deal with the same nonsense I see in Kpop fandom w/One Piece.

And I know you think you're better and more mature than they are, but I rarely see examples of that.

There are great and cool people in the fanbase that I'm friends with, and I'm glad I've met them through the series.

I do a podcast with one of them.

Somewhere in the series is a message about growing up, and I don't care how old you are it's always applicable.

The idea is that you don't shit on other people to get to the top, because it is a long, stink fall back down to the bottom.

I mean, how dumb are we all going to look if in the next decade Kubo or Kishimoto followup their lacklustre projects with awesomeness?

Or any of the other manga authors we say aren't nearly as godlike as Oda. Kubo and Kishimoto are just easy punching bags because they're the other two darlings of the Big Three.

And this isn't even beginning to touch on my "You're not a real One Piece fan if you don't..." issues. Just stop it.

Anyway, this is all delaying a @gintamapodcast recording.

For over an hour.

It's just frustating making recommendations of really great series into a vacuum I know very few people will even pay attention to.

Among them are the three we've listed, my documented battle with people over "WHY IN GOD'S NAME HAVE YOU NOT WATCHED YAKITATE JAPAN YET?" Basically anything that we've dedicated a full episode to reviewing over at The Ass Backwards Anime Podcast, including and not limited to Hellsing Ultimate, Martian Successor Nadesico (Your mileage may vary, we loved it), Full Metal Panic, Wakfu, etc.

I get that One Piece is now the most popular Weekly Shonen Jump manga ever, surpassing his hero's title Dragonball, and that's fantastic for Oda and the fandom now feels justified in their love. I know how it feels when you've bet on the right dark horse, but let's face facts, when most of us came into it the title was already absurdly popular in Japan. Sure the English property has had its share of ups and downs, but you're not underdogs, you're not a small fandom, you're enormous and you have more people than I can count backing you, the sales total were over 36 million copies this year alone. Stop being such douchebags.

It might be unfair, but people do judge properties by the fans of it. If you want others to love the series that's dearest to your heart you have to watch the way you speak about other series and other creators. We joke and rag on Kishimoto and Kubo because it's easy and because there was a time when we loved them both and their mangas. I've given up on them but my friends haven't and we all hope that they'll write something in the future that will justify what we saw in them years ago. And maybe they will.

One Piece is the shining star of Weekly Shonen Jump, but is by no means its only star. And just like you would with anything else you need to wade out into the river of other titles and try new things, you might love them also. Only experiencing one person's writing is incredibly shallow and makes it harder for you to see things critically or even accept people's (actual) critiques of that property. We all know it's not perfect but the constant patting on the back and reassurance from within the insulated fandom isn't doing anyone any favors. Right now One Piece is the best thing ever and Oda deserves his accolades. Personally I don't think he belongs atop a list of manga authors far more prolific than he is with multiple successful works, and as much as I love Sorachi I don't think he belongs as high as he is either, and I'm sure he might agree. One Piece sells and it brings enjoyment and enrichment and entertainment to so many people's lives, but (for example) Gintama hits all of those same notes, albeit with a much smaller audience.

I can't change the situation, I can't make Gintama more popular, but I hope when it gains traction and the fanbase swells that we don't get inflated heads, that we stay down to earth and we're welcoming of others and that I continue to restrain myself from punching teenage boys who say that Gintama is boring.

I know I'll get accused of being biased and hating the fandom, but it is what it is. Some of you are great, and some of you aren't. You get that in every fandom, sure, but it's hard seeing something that you've loved and enjoyed being a part of turn into something that gets in between you and that object, in this case One Piece. I know that I'm not the only person that feels this way, and maybe we're only a few small voices getting drowned out by the mass of positive reinforcement, but we are there, and we love One Piece just as much as you all do, we just can't deal with your shit anymore.

And I hate that I feel this way. I feel like I'm 15 years old again and somebody's yelling about how Goku >> all.

Weird is not a Four-Letter Word

2011-11-16T21:25:00.003-05:00

So I had a discussion on twitter with someone who will remain unnamed, and he seemed to take issue with the very idea that people feel the need to judge each other's habits, personality, etc and class them as weird or abnormal. My point is that it's completely natural, we compare everything in life to a standard, that's boring or dull when it's deeply thought about.

For example, here's National Geographic on what the most typical person on earth is like.

As for me, I've known I wasn't normal since I started getting picked on for it in primary school. I grew to accept it though as I moved from an environment with 44 or so students period in my grade level to over 200 by high school. In the much larger group I met up with other people who were outcasts, but strangely enough were completely comfortable with it and embraced it, and through time they (and my parents) helped me realize that it's perfectly fine to be whoever you are (as long as it's legal).

So here are some definitions.
Weird: -

adjective /wi(ə)rd/

weirder, comparative; weirdest, superlative

Suggesting something supernatural; uncanny

- the weird crying of a seal

Very strange; bizarre

- a weird coincidence

- all sorts of weird and wonderful characters

Connected with fate

Atypical: -

Not representative of a type, group, or class

- a sample of people who are rather atypical of the target audience

- there were somewhat atypical results in May and November

Abnormal: -

Deviating from what is normal or usual, typically in a way that is undesirable or worrying

- the illness is recognizable from the patient's abnormal behavior

Obviously no one likes to be told that their behavior, personality, quirks, etc are undesirable, but you know what's a really cool way to take the sting out of words, to grin and say "Yeah, I know." The parts of me that are weird ended up making me the friends that I still care about today, they're what got me podcasting and for the foreseeable future they're what's going to keep me doing so. So I was at work and I got to thinking, because I get a lot that I'm weird, usually in response to the kind of question that I don't typically answer, and usually hypotheticals. I'm sure my friends could come up with more, as what are friends for if not but to make you feel worse about yourself?

I am a 26 year old female of mostly African descent, native to the Bahamas which is positioned in the West Indies, due Southeast of Florida and a tad bit north of the Caribbean. Here are all of the things I can think of that make me different from the average person in my demo (In no particular order).

You can go through all of the friendships I've made in all of my 26 years and never once have I initiated the first conversation.
I had 3 or 4 recurring nightmares from age 9 til after I graduated high school.
I am afraid of frogs (this may not be all that different but it doesn't fit with my personality)
From around 2 years old until the 11th grade my father was either studying to be or working as a Pastor.
Not so much weird in this country, but it's not something anybody talks about, so yeah, I am a Christian.
I can count the number of good female friends without needing any fingers.
When it comes to female friends that I met in real life first, that number drops down to two.
I am deathly afraid of being lost, so much so that I have panic attacks.
I cannot talk to strangers without someone I trust being present and sometimes even talking for me (this includes retail clerks, other service providers but not check-in agents or bank tellers, unless it's for something I've never gotten before.)
I laugh silently.
I'm a naturally quiet person who will not share my opinion even when prompted.
I play the Devil's Advocate so well you would think that's the side of the argument I take.
I have fibrocystic breasts and when I was 16 I had surgery to remove a tumor.
I purport myself to be selfish (and I am) but I love giving gifts more than receiving them.
I have no conscious memory of ever screaming.
I have never once applied makeup on my own.
I haven't worn perfume consistently since high school.
I am afraid of crowds.
I do not get visibly excited or scared.
I do not eat seafood (with the exception of fish and then only fried).
If I've never been to a restaurant before I always order chicken.
I do not eat burgers if I can't see them being prepared.
I live on an island and I cannot swim.
I will not eat food served to me (or I will be nauseous) if the meat is placed atop the rice, spaghetti/other pasta or vice versa. My food has to be separated.
Up until 10th grade when I finally began to feel accepted by enough people I was liked more by my teachers than my peers.
I eat my sandwiches backwards (the crust end last).
I pick marshmallows out of my cereal and eat them after I'm done with my oats.
I have to fight compulsions to order things I own by a system only I know of and as a result I appear to be a very messy person (it's the only way I can cope).
I cannot stand it when people bend spines, write in or otherwise damage books, which is why I rarely lend them out.
I love video games, sports, anime, JDramas, reading, movies and Kpop.
Almost nothing I've ever written has been planned out beforehand. I often write from the middle of a story first.
My greatest weakness is that I freely tell people what my weaknesses are.
I have no children, am not nor have I ever been married and I haven't been in a relationship in 3 years.
Most of my friends are male.
I see things logically and often speak without regard as to whether people's feelings get hurt.
I cannot smile for posed pictures.
Even if I come out looking silly I'd rather pictures of me be candid rather than posed.
I don't look people in the eyes when I speak to them and this apparently has lost me a job interview or two.
I'm not squeamish in the least.
I wanted to be an ornithologist as a kid and I still love birds, regardless of how the next episode of The Unofficial Hunter X Hunter Podcast will make me sound.
I don't hate people or hold grudges because I feel it's a pointless waste of my time and emotions. I do absolutely loathe stupid though.
I hate the word otaku and would never use it to describe myself (or weaboo or koreaboo) but I have no qualms with using the words nigga or negro.

So there I am, weird as all hell, and I don't even care if you know. There are of course some personal stuff that's still withheld though I'm sure with looking at how long this list is you can't possibly imagine there's material I've left off.

The Queen's Classroom, why I will murder you if you don't watch

2011-11-13T03:45:00.002-05:00

In 2003 I got my first taste of JDramas with the live-action portrayal of Great Teacher Onizuka, after I had begun to watch the anime and inevitably this was what turned me on to Japanese Dramas. There was a world within those episodes that I'd never really imagined existed or could be done. Admittedly there were some story points that were ignored or altered due to the fact that the TV series aired long before the manga was even near done, but this 1998 series had me hook, line and sinker.

Following up on my enjoyment of this series I immediately sought out more like it, but as you could imagine, 8 years ago on the Internet we didn't have as many resources as we do now, that and I had dialup back then. However, in the following years I watched Gokusen, Dragon Zakura, Nobuta wo Produce and several other less notable high school dramas until I got completely fed up with all of the tropes seemingly repeated ad infinitum with no capacity for creativity. I did the only reasonable thing and swore them off entirely, becoming a generally more happy person for it, except I couldn't truly escape.

In my search for more dramas I kept coming across the same name, Joou no Kyoushitsu/The Queen's Classroom, and I remember taking an interested look, seeing that it was about 6th graders and dismissing it out of hand as dumb. My attitude towards it made sense at the time, I don't like little kids much and I was already done with school dramas and moving on towards cop shows (which I don't think I will ever get tired of), but reviews of the show continued to dog me. People raved over the performances, over the storyline, over the direction and the music and I saw in several places it lauded as one of the best dramas they'd ever seen. Of course, I didn't know any of these people personally so for all I knew their opinions were suspect, but one day, I had enough free time and I'd found it on an FTP with blazing fast download speed and I gave in and checked it out. I've never regretted that decision.

You've heard me recommend this show on the SSAA podcast, you've likely seen my violent suggestions that you watch it or suffer grave danger to life and limb, and here we are again, with me mentioning it in a third location. I rarely am this taken with a property, let alone one that ended 6 years ago, and those I do love this much, well obviously I do podcasts about as evidenced by Just a Gintama Podcast and The Unofficial Hunter X Hunter Podcast.

The show itself is mostly as the title screen suggests.

It focuses primarily on three students, Kanda Kazumi, a bubbly, sweet girl who hates tension, even going so far as to act clumsy and apologize cutely in order to break it up. She lives with her older sister Yu and her parents. She greatly admires Yu and wants to go to the same private school as her older sister. She's very loyal to her friends and is a bit of an optimist. Portrayed by Shida Mirai, for the past 6 years since this drama she's been EVERYWHERE, in everything, generally being awesome at acting including 14-year-old Mother, Our Textbook and manga-inspired Tantei Gakuen Q. Warning, she will cry, A LOT.

Next is the class clown, Manabe Yusuke. He is unrelentingly dumb and kind of a lame jokester. His classmates don't seem to like him much and he doesn't seem to care. He's used to being on the bottom rung of the ladder, unlike Kanda. He's played by Matsukawa Naruki.

The last is Shindo Hikaru, a quiet genius with a troubled home life and seemingly one of the youngest members of the cast. You may have seen Fukuda Mayuko in L Change the World, the movie about the extra 30 days of L's life and a Death Note movie side story.

These kids are at the forefront of the classroom, forced together by certain circumstances who challenge the devilish reign of their new Teacher Akutsu Maya. For reasons that are not elaborated on at the beginning of the show she has been away from teaching for the past two years, but she has been known to get incredible results. Rumors swirl around her, but very little fact is known. This is the first glimpse the lead character, Kanda gets of her new teacher while chatting happily with her friends.

As for the other students, one of them is a Toku veteran (yellow jacket), having starred a few years previous in Kamen Rider Blade, and the other, well, she just has some tremendous bass in her voice (pink hoodie), even at 12/13 years old.

I should warn you that this is not a happy show, if it had been I probably would've ditched it fifteen minutes in when Akutsu Maya makes her first real appearance before her students and explains her rules. It is outright cruel sometimes [spoiler: there is a scene where Kanda wets herself because of one of Maya's rules], and can really show how savage kids (and humans in general) can be towards each other. However, it is also a very warm show, portraying the good in people who are sticking together throughout all odds.

Right after she enters, she administers a test, informing them that they will have a test every Monday and the worst students will become class reps. Unlike other setups where class reps are positions to be admired, the class reps do all of the chores, whereas those with the highest scores are given a long list of privileges, including being able to come to school as late as they want as long as they make it to first period. In response to student outcry of unfairness, well...

Maya pulls no punches in informing the kids that only 6% of the people in Japan will live happy fulfilled lives due to natural cleverness, hard work or being born into it, the rest of them will grow up to complain the rest of their lives. That is the moment when I was sold, because that is an extremely hard lesson to teach kids so early on in life. Of the 24 students in class, only one or two of them would get to lead happy lives. Yes she did basically tell them about the 99% vs. the 1% in episode 1. And yes that is Amami Yuki of BOSS as the teacher. Please forget everything you know about her. She does not allow for students to go to the bathroom in her class as it is basically an admission by the student that "I'm not smart enough to manage my time" and when Manabe Yusuke challenges her, saying that he'd wet himself if he didn't go, she replied to him that he could do whatever he wanted. That's the kind of badass she is. She gives back the tests in order of the highest scores to lowest scores, and this is her not giving a single, solitary fuck to those who failed.

I keep recommending this show because I think it is a masterpiece that all of you need to see, regardless of your interests. The music is fantastic, composed by Ike Yoshihiro of Ergo Proxy fame. Here's some kid playing one of the central, haunting pieces.

The ending theme is incredibly silly and happy compared to the rest of the show, and believe me it has to be that way otherwise you may gouge your eyes out, weep in a corner for the rest of your life or hang yourself. It is that serious. It breaks up the tension of the previous episode in a way that is welcome and allowed people to go through their week without being depressed.

Another thing that the show does which is incredibly tricky to show off in screencaps is the way it heralds the approach of Akutsu Maya. The lighting changes from bright and happy to cold, dark and sinister. As she walks by she leaves nothing but darkness in her wake. She seems to suck the very happiness out of little children.

The Queen's Classroom raises some marvelous issues that I feel a lot of us are uncomfortable with discussing. It left me wondering whether it was better to expose children earlier on to the unfairness and general crookedness of the world rather than to leave them in their natural idealistic state for a few more years and have them grow up resentful of the adults around them who kept them sheltered. It's a perilous line to straddle and I feel like the show did well to illustrate what becomes of the teachers and other adults who challenge Akutsu Maya's way of thinking (nicknamed AkuMa by the kids). The two specials that follow do more to dig into her backstory but she is left as mostly unknown, mysterious character for the majority of the show. She knows everything about her students, their vital statistics, their family backgrounds, their strengths and weaknesses, their motivations and exactly what it would take to manipulate them into letting their ugly sides come out. She is a super stalker and appears to be everywhere und novhere.

It is also a study on teachers and how the relentless year in and year out at mostly grunt pay as well as the troublesome, spoiled students that the majority of them have no idea how to handle, as well as their monster parents can completely demoralize and deflate teachers, leading once good, promising instructors to develop into the uncaring, cold ones we loved to hate.

I mention earlier on that I had shunned high school dramas, and there is a small part of me that wishes this show would have been set in high school. It was very difficult for me to watch 12 year olds (I was 10 in 6th grade) having so much pressure thrown on them to succeed at every step of the rest of their lives and facing the idea that in order for them to have those years to act as children, that could result in them failing the rest of their lives. There's a scene in the first episode where some of the characters discuss wanting to get into a private school and then admitting that they pretty much can't if they start studying for exams now. The three in their class that are most likely to get in have been studying since third or fourth grade. With high schoolers, they can fend for themselves for the most part against cruel teachers, and are already too cynical to idolize and hang on their teacher's every word. However, it is because the children in this show are so young, because the show is at times extremely difficult to watch that makes it great and elevates it to a lofty position above many other teacher/student dramas. Their young age for the most part eliminates cliched romantic subplots (there's a minor thing with two students but they're too young for it to even be annoying) and enables us to focus on the overarching story.

I don't want to go into too much detail otherwise I might end up spoiling the majority of the plot of the show for you as is my habit. If you've been following me or the podcast or both you know that I have a very hard time holding my tongue and there are very few shows that I'd rather keep silent and let you view the twists and turns for yourself. This is one of those rare occasions. The cast of this show by far outclasses many 5 or 6 years older, and I feel as though they knock the script out of the park, and if you ask any of the members of the SSAA podcast who all saw it when I forced it on them back in college, they can vouch for me. We are not kidding when we recommend it to you, nor is this one of those last minute, I thought of it right before recording recommendations, I truly feel that this is one of those shows you are far better off for having seen than not having seen. If getting into live-action dramas feels weird to you coming off of anime, hey, you've probably seen a live-action movie or two, and the dramas aren't nearly as long as quite a few serialized anime. This show clocks in at 11 episodes (of a mostly 45 minute format) and two specials.

For some miraculous reason the episodes are uploaded in their full length to YouTube, and I am going to embed episode 1 right here for you to give it a test run. If you watch the entire 57:34 and you're not intrigued to see where this is going, then either I'm wrong about how amazing the show is or you've got terrible taste, and I'm more likely to bet on the latter. Just saying.

PS. For those of you that get into the show and will undoubtedly perv on the kids here, this will help you feel slightly normal, even though you're a creepy monster for lusting over 11-13 year olds, with the exception of Fukuda Mayuko who is still 17, the rest are all 18 and over here in their future in 2011.

PPS. D-Addicts is a powerful resource for finding new dramas, and keeps a fairly updated wiki of shows that are airing and being subtitled, as well as places like Mysoju and YouTube (If you know how to look) can help you fulfill your needs with streaming.

In closing, watch episode 1 or I'll order the man with the axe who watches you sleep to end you.

8 Fall shows I will watch and you should too.

2011-09-19T20:21:00.001-04:00

Yes, TV is the only thing currently going on in my life. I am aware of how sad that is. However, there is a lot to be excited about on TV this upcoming season. And some of it from the US EVEN!

Tragically, this is the first year I will not be watching the season premiere of House. Somewhere midway through last season I just lost all interest in the show and its characters. I am sure it's still good, it's just, I've moved on. It's not you, it's me.

1. Misfits (E4/Channel 4)
Topping this list, premiering sometime between soon and never is British Channel E4's (Channel 4?) Misfits. In case you woke up from a coma today, the drama is about 5 young people who get struck by lightning during a mysterious storm and gain completely silly superpowers. It's obscene, it's violent, it's sexy and it's fantastic. Season 3 marks the shows attempt to move on after the departure of actor Robert Sheehan (Nathan Young) across the waters in search of fame.

Vegas Baby! Short (Up while it's up)

Trailer for Season 3

2. Community (Starts September 22nd, NBC)
Words could not express how much everything in Community just "works." As ridiculous as these premises must sound in the writers' room, everyone just executes on a flawless level that is rarely replicated today on TV, but then again I don't watch everything else, so maybe I'm wrong. Community is one of the few shows I've already committed myself to buying the season set each year, and I'm hoping there will somehow be enough seasons for a shelf dedicated just to this show, or at least four of them anyway. Plus bonus John Goodman! Pop Pop!

3. Psych (October 12th, USA)
With the exception of season 1 which had its rough moments, Psych is easily my favorite of all of USA's Original Series, and is the only reason I get up from my enclosed room and put the TV on USA. Shawn and Gus have a level of chemistry that I can't find with any other male leads and of course, the guest stars are amazing. I think this show has the single highest per minute count of pop culture references.

Yes, this is the Boyz II Men Opening

4. The Mentalist (September 22nd, CBS)
This is what I assume CBS' grown up answer to the juvenile wit of "Psych", which makes it a slightly unique procedural, led on by its continuing story, referring to the lead character Patrick Jane's motivations. Only, as of the season 3 finale that arc has worryingly wrapped up maybe, and I'm more excited than I should be to see where season 4 goes continuing from that episode.

Spoilers!

5. Hunter X Hunter 2nd Series (October 2nd, NTV)
How excited am I for this rebirth of the 1999 anime series done by Studio Madhouse? I co-founded a podcast solely to discuss the series. The manga is incredibly well written despite the multiple hiatuses and is probably one of the most violent currently running in Shounen Jump. I wholeheartedly encourage everyone that's a fan of Shounen manga that's not currently reading to get on it immediately. I'm hoping that this "definitive version" will wind up being our Hellsing: Ultimate.

6. The Walking Dead (October 16, AMC)
I'm pretty sure this is the only drama about Zombies on a cable channel based on a popular graphic novel currently airing so I won't explain any further.

7. Persona 4 (October, MBS)
Truthfully I'm less excited about this than the above mentioned 6 shows, mostly because my own insanity in trying to get the perfect ending combined with the deathbed of my PS2 and I never completed the game. I was more excited about a possible Persona anime back when Trinity Soul aired, but I never finished that either, so maybe this is a theme. I loved the dating sim aspect of the games though, combined with the mythological creatures and gods as Personae, and the fighting mechanics were neat as well. I am encouraged about the upcoming P4 projects even though I don't own a console to enjoy them on, so the anime has to fill the gap until then. Massive pressure.

8. Hunter - Sono Onnatachi, Shoukin Kasegi (October NTV)
The #1 JDrama I'm looking forward to this season, pretty much for one reason.

Yonekura Ryoko plays one of the best female badasses on Japanese TV right now without coming off as a caricature, though often as a bitch. She's played a career lawyer facing off against douchebaggy parents and their snowflakes in Monster Parent, a crazed jealous nurse in Warui Yatsura/Evil people, and a hard-nosed Negotiator for SIT in "The Negotiator". You can probably figure out that she's my acting girl crush without even knowing that she plays a flight attendant turned bounty hunter in this show.

By December you'll probably have my impressions on all 8 series, even though I'm in for the long-haul with everything except Persona 4 (which won't run that long) and Hunter (JDramas usually wrap up within 12 weeks)

The Cartoons that Touched Me in a Good Way or My Cartoons are StillBetter than Yours

2011-08-31T18:58:00.004-04:00

See, even I can make posts in a relatively timely fashion when I put my mind to it. Don't expect me to update once a week though, while I have a lot to say, sometimes I just choose to spam Twitter instead. Blame the Internet for making it so easy.

Again, these shows aren't in any particular order but I will continue the numbering from the last post because it helps me keep track of just how much TV I used to watch.

18. Pokemon (American airing 1998)
Oh come on, I'd be lying if I didn't mention this, and I would never lie to you. Like every other kid, though I was in high school (junior high if you're freaky) at the time, we watched Pokemon religiously and lived vicariously through Ash Ketchum, though mostly through Gary, I mean, come on, he was the badass who had everything except the love of his grandfather. Just once though, I wished Jessie and James could get away with that goddamned Pikachu so they could move on to bigger and better things.

LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKET'S BLASTING OFF AGAIN!

19. SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron (1993)
Another canceled far too early show, this series featured two outcasts of society saving the world. T-Bone and Razor proved their ingenue, creating their jet-fighter solely from scraps at the junk yard they were exiled to work at and then they Batman'd it up. One of the few series I enjoyed with anthropomorphic superhero talking cats, it definitely deserves props for that alone.

20. Dexter's Lab (1996)
God knows I could sympathize with Dexter though I never quite understood how he wound up with that accent. Smarter than I deserved to be with siblings of the opposite gender that insisted on being annoying and mucking everything up. If the show wasn't brilliant on its own it threw in the segments with Monkey which just about pwned everything else on TV at the time.

Dial M for Monkey

21. Johnny Bravo (1995/1997)
This Elvis-inspired meathead did nothing more than fail spectacularly at picking up chicks (while having awesome hair) but he along with Dexter's Laboratory and Power Puff Girls, etc were part of a new generation of cartoonists that seemed to have their fingers on the pulse of exactly what entertained kids. As a Scooby Doo fan myself, this show was cemented as a favorite after the Scooby Gang Cameo. Also, dare I mention Donny Osmond and Santa? I dare.

Scooby Crossover

Johnny Meets Donny

22. Men In Black: The Series (1997)
I don't know how many other people enjoyed this WB series, and quite frankly I don't care. I loved the shit out of it. The series fleshed out L and despite not having either of the main stars in it (Because that would be expensive and stupid) it was a lot of fun. One of the rare action shows on the WB that I didn't hate, I've so far liked the series far more than the sequel and have a softer spot for it than the original movie.

Great, now the beat for the intro is stuck in my head.

23. Mummies Alive! (1997)
Again, history dork. Members of an ancient society suddenly finding themselves awake in the modern age, chalk me the hell up. Unfortunately nobody believed in the shows I really enjoyed as a kid, especially if they were dark and this only lasted one season.

24. Robocop: Alpha Commando (1998)
Short-lived again, I caught this at the same sort of weird satellite non-channel that we did years prior Mighty Max and Sailor Moon. I can't even explain why I dug this show so much considering to this date I've never seen any other Robocop property.

25. Static Shock (2000)
Black teenage superhero. I shouldn't even required to explain more than this, like the fact that the show was tremendously entertaining and the cameos of the grown up superheroes were well handled.

God child-friendly rap is just embarrassing.

26. Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy (2001)
While I did love the Grim & Evil team-up, the show really came into its own when it got its own 30-minute slot. I was described by many of my high school friends as Mandy and it's true I did hate them and had quite a few friends below my massive intellect, but never as absurd as Billy. But come on, West Indian (-ish) Grim Reaper and that one episode where Mandy smiles, this is classic. My favorite reveal was that Irwin was half-Mummy and that we were better off just not thinking about it.

27. He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (2002)
I had no love at all for the original He-Man series and didn't care about past lore or nostalgia or anything, but something about this series captured me, I think it might have been all of the colors and the fact that they tried to sort of tell a grown-up story. It lasted 2 years and debuted before my first week of college so technically it counts! (I wasn't even 17 yet.) Something about Evil-Lyn really drew me in as a character, and that might be why I tend to like evil characters more, especially since they tend to have more story behind their motivations rather than the heroes.

Jesus this does not get me hype at all.

28. The New Adventures of Zorro (1997)
I should mention here that I grew up on The Lone Ranger, Bonanza and Zorro live actions, so when something came alone that was made after I was born I was all about that Zorro. I had a classmate named Don Diego in high school and didn't even realize the significance of it until way after I graduated. Luckily for him, barely anyone else did either.

29. Gummi Bears (1985)
I defy you to not have that song stuck in your head once you click you unfortunate bastard.

BOUNCING HERE AND THERE AND EVERYWHERE! (Also they're delicious, always bite head first.)

30. Chip 'N' Dale Rescue Rangers (1989)
Obviously I've moved on to the Disney Channel portion of this list. I had no idea they were modeled after Indiana Jones (Chip) and Magnum of Magnum P.I. (Dale) as I was too young for the latter show and had yet to watch all of my Dad's VHS copies of Indiana Jones. The two were familiar faces in the Disney Universe but they'd never been portrayed like this. Pint-sized heroes, though Dale was the lovable incompetent moron, a lot of nerds remember the show for Gadget. I think if I'm not wrong, I even know a guy or two who had a serious crush on her, and of course, the Internet has ruined everything.

31. Talespin (1990)
Another spin-off of a popular property, this time the Jungle Book, it had some of our favorite heroes and villains, save (the non-animal one, the snake and the panther). Baloo, who had one of the best movie-songs ever, is a cargo plane pilot, and I'd like to believe also a drunk.

32. Aladdin: The Animated Series (1994)
Despite the fact that again Disney bastardized and kiddified a literary property to suit their own ends, there was no denying that this was easily the best Disney 90s franchise. Look no further than Genie & Iago.

33. The Fairly OddParents! (1998)
Jorgen Von Strangle. The Tooth Fairy. Mr. Crocker. Chip Skylark. Whatever you feel about the series now, you can't ignore those four points. We all wished we had fairy godparents or a genie to grant our every wish.

34. Sailor Moon (1995 - US AIR DATE)
I'm 90% sure this is the first anime I ever saw (willfully ignores the Christian animes I saw). I think it was the girl power flavor of this show that really made it stick with me even after I entered high school and I remember being incredibly excited when the "lost" episodes of Sailor Moon were first announced for Cartoon Network, but of course this was around the same time we got the Internet, and that just choked the life out of my excitement.

Tuxedo Mask confirmed for most useless rescues ever. Get that motivational bullshit out of here and actually save someone.

35. Dragon Ball Z (1996)
While I accidentally caught this once on one of our Satellite Channels I didn't become interested in it until high school, you know when everyone else was. It was one of the rare shows we rushed to school the next day to excitedly discuss and argued over who the best character was. There were of course the rare jerks that had caught it years before on bootleg VHS and they were kind enough to piss on everyone's party. Well over a decade later, those people are still around, still being dicks.

Canadian Version

"NEXT TIME ON DRAGON BALL Z" confirmed for the worst phrase in the English language.

That's it, all 35, feel free to insult, deride me and contribute the shows you enjoyed more than the ones I did, but let it be known that I will destroy you.

The Cartoons that Shaped Me or My Cartoons are Better than Yours Part 1

2011-08-31T01:29:00.004-04:00

A little over a week ago, a listener of several of our podcasts, BOYWEC posted his top ten favorite cartoons and after calling him a heathen, wrong and several other more creative adjectives I realized that I'd like to do a sort of response post. Unlike him, I'm not numbering these in any particular order as I'd be an idiot to do so and I will have left out (inevitably) something you enjoyed far more than the stupid cartoons I liked.

Even though some shows you may think of aired during my childhood, I purposely limited the list to things I enjoyed prior to graduating from high school. There are other shows of course that I watched as an adult, but I don't think they had nearly as much of an effect on my growing personality so I left them out. We okay? You promise you won't get mad when you scroll down? Okay, let's go.

1. New Scooby Doo Movies (1972)
The premise of this show was simple, for an hour, let the Scooby gang run around with (real and fictional) TV and movie stars of the era. My love for Scooby Doo knows very few bounds, and of course I enjoyed the cameos of people like the Adamms Family, Don Knotts and Cass Elliot.

2. Centurions (1985)
Three men, Jake, Max and Ace with the forms of Sea, Air and Land fought evil cyborgs or something with the help of a female assistant. Power XTREME! This was what I got into instead of Transformers.
Embedding seems to be going a bit crazy right now, so here's the intro

3. Captain Planet and the Planeteers (1990)
Now I'll never claim to have grown up to be an environmentalist, but I can't see a person litter without feeling an overwhelming urge to beat their faces into the ground, and I think I owe this show the credit for that violent rage. My favorite villain was easily Dr. Blight, who I believe was reincarnated as Black Lagoon's Balalaika.

YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS CAPTAIN PLANET!

4. Mighty Max (1993)
I could not tell you what ghetto ass feeder network this show aired on our Satellite Dish, but I know we watched this before Sailor Moon every morning.

5. Batman The Animated Series/Superman The Animated Series (1997)
These two shows need no introduction and I don't even need to make an excuse for why I liked them. Why I didn't care much for the Batman half of things until I was an older teenager, now that's the mystery, but this show obviously laid the foundation for the love for superheroes that was to come later.

6. Jonny Quest (1964)/The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest(1996)
Who doesn't love the story of a boy adventurer, his dog, his bodyguard, his science obsessed Dad, his adopted Indian brother and the insane cast of enemies that dog them. The show inspired an awesome parody TV series in The Venture Brothers as well as a spectacular episode of Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law. In the re-imagined version of the series, they added Race's daughter, Jessie, who I guess was supposed to break up the sausage fest and be a strong female character, but she just wound up being annoying.

Real Adventures of Jonny Quest

7. Gargoyles (1994)
I've seen hate for this show and it never ceases to amaze me. I mean, for God's sake, even before I entered high school and actually had to read the stuff, it taught me about Shakespeare, in a really sneaky, action oriented and awesome way. I think this is one of the top influences I had in terms of creating an interest in English mythology, and of course writing monsters as more human than we think they are. And of course, there's the man they call Xanatos, truly a force to be contended with. I sympathized way more with Demona than the others as the show wound down though.

8. Spiderman (1994)
Growing up, this was my all-time favorite superhero. Like a lot of us, Peter Parker was a nerd, though perhaps a lot smarter than we were, and with considerable hot chick pull, but he taught us that being a smart alec didn't have to get us killed, well if we had superpowers anyway.

9. X-Men the Animated Series (1994)
I never really got into reading comic books, surprisingly enough, but the idea of being superheroes in spite of being hated by the populace and being persecuted always struck me as amazing. Personally I probably would've joined Magneto or become some sort of Uber Villain.

10. Tiny Toon Adventures (1990)
I guess this was a Looney Tunes experiment for those of us born in the 80s and it worked. It still featured a lot of the characters we recognized, but it also introduced a cast of characters that was sadly never revived. Babs & Buster were worthy heirs to Bugs' legacy (along with the rest of the cast some of their idols), though nothing could ever surpass in my memory the episode where Baby Plucky Duck is potty-training and I think many of the re-imaginings of the Looney Toons never even came close to as enjoyable as this series was, and still is.

11. DuckTales (1987)
Scrooge McDuck, the ultimate in miserly old men, and inevitably a sad tale of the Disney Channel that was and the history of Disney's animation.

12. Darkwing Duck (1991)
The bumbling, silly version of Batman, though less rich and a duck, but still assisted by Launchpad of DuckTales' fame. Despite his faults as a superhero I admired the fact that he didn't let any of that stop him, like a sort of smart Inspector Gadget crossed with Batman. LET'S GET DANGEROUS!

13. Animaniacs (1993)
Even if it hadn't spawned the cartoons that I'm going to mention next, I'd still count this show as among my all time favorites. It lampoons a lot of the WB features that came before it as well as various movies and TV shows of that era. Presented by Steven Spielberg when he was fun, they represented all that was wacky and insane and had to be contained about us, and once they were let out of that tower, they could never ever be forced back in. They also taught us innumerable things, like the Nations of the World, American History and how to burp songs.

Nations of the World, Yakko Style

14. Pinky and the Brain (1995)
Ahh, now here is where I can directly blame for my dictatorial ambitions. Every night Brain plotted to escape his cage and take over the world, inevitably foiled by his sidekick Pinky, but the next day there he was again, trying to take over the world. Can't keep a good mouse down, can you?

15. Freakazoid! (1995)
Dexter Douglas, nerd computer ace, by a stroke of evil on the part of his cat, was imbued with all of the insanity of the Internet. Of course enough has been said about Candlejack to-

16. Histeria! (1998)
If you know me I am a horrible history nerd. So much so that I block out my propensity to obsess over minute historical details and do everything I can to avoid watching historical documentaries, reading reference books or watching anything inspired by "true" events. I couldn't tell you precisely when this started (but it seems I inherited it in some ways from my father) but Histeria! certainly nurtured it into full-blown history geek mode. Unfortunately, the show doesn't hold up as well over a decade later, I guess partly due to some of the more annoying voices used in show, and it also suffered from being a product of that incredibly ill-advised move towards edutainment, but I will forever have a soft spot for the show buried next to my love of all things ancient and mythological.

17. Pirates of Dark Water (1991)
I think this show is where my love for RPGs, Pirates and Adventurers in general came from. Of course there were additional outside influences including the short-lived live-action Sinbad series starring Zen Gesner. However, the ungrateful bastards that the show was made for never watched it in high enough numbers to sustain it and the show was canceled without ever reaching a conclusion. Unlike most of the other shows listed, The Pirates of Dark Water had a single over-arching story which I guess was to its detriment.
Original Opening

If you look around most of these shows are available, either for purchase on DVD/BluRay or through other less legit means. If you at some point missed these shows in your childhood you have more than enough opportunity to catch up. Hopefully I will be writing up the next few posts soon as I've got quite a few to go. [I watched a TON of TV as a kid and this is completely ignoring the Live-Action stuff & Game shows I loved.]

Bioware's Suddenly Gay Shepard, Petty Entanglements, & Me Love the Witcher Long Time

2011-05-25T18:28:00.010-04:00

I've been playing video games lately, mostly Portal 2 and The Witcher, so there's a lot swirling around my head right now. Almost everything that can be said about Portal 2 & how brilliant it is has already been said, so this post is going to be about my experience with The Witcher, some news Bioware let loose recently about Mass Effect 3 and the inevitable comparison between their recent franchises and The Witcher. (tl;dr at the end)

There have been a lot of things said about Bioware's decision to allow for male/male relationships in the third game of the Mass Effect Trilogy, not all of them true or kind, though admittedly it is kinda weird for what has been a canonically straight character to suddenly change orientations in the tail part of the trilogy. As I've referenced before on the (now defunct) NPC Podcast I've played the first two games as a Space Monk, largely because only one of the two games has presented a character I'd be interested in virtually boning were I actually Commander Viktor Shepard. The first game's choices were boring and abhorrent respectively, with the options if you played female even more limited.

When you first meet Ashley her squad has been wiped out by aliens, so her anger, hatred and thirst for revenge at the moment are all justified. However, after what felt like months of serving with some pretty cool alien dudes (Garrus & Wrex) and two okay alien chicks (Tali & Liara) that have proven their trustworthiness, Ashley's continued space racism crossed the line to disgusting. Add to this her religious fanaticism (just make it more obvious you wanted people to pick Liara Bioware) and a moment where she bitches out Liara and I was beyond ready to jettison her out of the nearest airlock.

Things move from bad to worse when you realize that the game's default option, minus maxing out paragon or renegade leads Ashley to kill Wrex for having an understandable lapse of judgment moment (he turns on you) in regard to you killing a ton of clones made of his near extinct & mostly sterile species. So yeah, when given the choice between ignoring her or ignoring Kaidan (bland, boring mofo that he was) I gleefully picked the "Fuck you, die in a fire Ashley" button.

Due to nerd pressure (I assume) over the Internet's downright disturbing attraction to Tali, she was made a romance option in game 2. Seeing as she's from a species with incredibly pathetic immune systems that pretty much cannot be exposed to the atmosphere...yeah. But hey, she's an engine otaku and has an accent, so of course. Nevermind that you overhear an exchange with another Quarian about humans' obsession with sexing them up, ignoring that the antigens exchanged in that act could likely kill them. Humans are weird.

When it comes to Liara, I'm typically uninterested in archaeologists that don't have massive racks (Tomb Raider was in my childhood). The fact that she has Mommy issues and essentially said she was a teenager didn't help either. The fact that I disliked her rescue mission didn't swing the balance in her favor either, nor did the mind-rape at the "hands" of a fellow member of her species, Sha'ira the Consort.

The second game didn't exactly add much. You had the option of two Asaris to add to your crew, one who stated bluntly that she would never be interested in you in a thousand years (Samara) and her daughter Morinth, who is basically a succubus. So if you were suicidal, maybe.

There's the perfect woman: Miranda, who suffers from a severe case of uncanny valley, but looks nice in a bodysuit. Her constant complaint is that she's too perfect, so it was no surprise that she was right out. (What can I say? I'm a jealous broad.)

You can have a fling with your assistant Kelly, but ffs if you're going to stick your pen in company ink, aim high, that's what I always say.

Jack is the only remaining character. An orphan who has been experimented on to exploit her biotic powers since childhood, she has been through some pretty heavy shit. Bioware/EA chose poorly in the marketing campaign and what could likely have been their most nuanced and fleshed out new female character came across instead as a parody of a strong, sexually independent woman.

If I were ever to go back at the game to play the DLC & pursue romantic options, of that poor list, Jack is the most likely option, but hey, I'm a straight girl playing as a straight male character so your mileage may vary.

Dragon Age 2's main story collapsed mostly into "How many stupid decisions can I forgive my lover making?" All of them if you're wondering, and it sort of cements Bioware's seeming commitment to simulating relationships, despite their pretty simple level of complexity.

Playing as female Hawke, I picked Anders, mostly because the game practically shoved him down my throat. Interestingly, the first game only had two bisexual characters while the sequel boasts almost an entire cast of bisexuals because Thedas is not our world and orientation is nobody's business and doesn't define identities the way they do in our world. This was the lazy way of leaving room for everyone to be able to romance the character they liked the most as opposed to being limited to one or two choices if you were playing your character as gay.

It's certainly an alternative to Dragon Age:Origins and Mass Effect's style, but is also annoyingly lazy from a writing perspective, but the gamer isn't really exposed to anyone's bisexuality other than Anders without pursuing it. (Doesn't weird me out though, because Hawke/Shepard is obviously written to be a stud that nobody can resist, except Samara.)

What these games do wrong however, is force you to make a choice as soon as you become close companions with a cast member (give them enough gifts/complete their personal missions). If you reject their feelings or choose to nut in their rival you automatically take a hit in friendship points and some cases that person winds up intensely disliking you. (Quick Load)

Of course, despite your ability to notice a character's fixation with you, there is the possibility (As I have so far in Mass Effect) to ignore the romance section of the game. I appreciate that they include it, but I know it's not for everyone.

This post was intended to lead much earlier into praise for the Witcher. Released in 2007 on a modified version of Bioware's Aurora Engine, you play Geralt, the titular witcher, an amnesiac, white-haired, mutated "freak" designed for the purpose of monster slaying, aided by two swords, (one for humans, one for monsters) an array of potions, bombs and oils to make combat easier and 5 basic spells. Despite owning the game for some time I've only very recently beat it due in part to the release of the incredibly beautiful sequel.

Don't get me wrong, the first game is broken. Despite quite a few meaty patches and a director's cut version, it's still a bit unstable four years after release. In the earlier chapters I crashed to desktop religiously every thirty minutes or so. Combat is easy enough to get into if you have a good sense of timing otherwise the relentless clicking of the "Rhythm game with no music" style combo system will grate on nerves. Geralt doesn't always go exactly where you want him to, making one mission in particular "throw your rig out of a ten-story window" insurmountable. Instead of the obvious magical conclusion to a boss fight that I died no less than fifteen times trying to pull off I had to resort to a twenty-five minute clicky grind-fest and hope the game didn't crash before I could win and save my progress. By the last two chapters, crashing was more infrequent and by quick saving often (500+ saves and 9.91GB) I had relaxed into actually enjoying the experience.

Despite being a huge RPG fan in my PS2/PSP days I had very little exposure to Western RPGs and it was really Mass Effect & Fallout 3 a few years ago that pointed me in the direction of them. A hallmark of these games is choice and the portrayal of how your in-game choices affect the world.

Without giving too much away, the role of the Witcher is to remain neutral and lending your might to either side can and will have dire consequences. I was actually astounded when I completed the game at the far reaching negative consequences my well-intended decisions ended up having.

But I'm sure you're here to learn more about the sex cards. I think I collected around 12 of them. The Witcher offers a full stable of sex options (with only two romantic options) and presents the player with a card of that female (mostly naked) as a reward for silver tongue-ing your way into her bed. The options include whores, vampire whores, high class whores, a princess, a doctor, nurses, a sorceress, various elves, a Knight that adores you, a witch, peasant women, a gossip, a waitress and so on. Pretty varied, and the game even allowed me to continue boning other chicks even after I'd essentially proposed marriage to my romantic option of choice.

Now where the game doesn't differ from most that upon choosing one woman as your lady friend you can say goodbye to the friendship of the other, presumably because they hate each other.

Through the many chapters I'd been exposed to Shani (I groan as I realize I could've collected her sex card in an early chapter) it was my intention to romance her, but she said some insensitive shit about Triss' fertility and she joined the ranks of Ashley. I didn't kill her, but man I wish I could.

In case you're wonder, Geralt is a sterile, self healing mutant, so no worries about GonnoHerpeSyphilAIDS for him or child support for that matter. This factoid allows for him to be more sexually free than most leading males, which leaves me wondering if it will ever have a negative impact on him.

Sexy beast, ain't he? (Screengrab from the Sequel)

As Geralt, you're playing an established character. You cannot make any alterations to his facial features or his body type. Where the amnesia comes in handy is the game allowing you to form his personality using the information you've gleaned from his friends and the decisions you're led to make. In this way it allows me to have a different Geralt than others who have played the game. Even though I wasn't thrilled with the results of my actions I enjoyed the amount of impact displayed from what I thought were simple, no-brainer decisions. For example, choosing to let a gang of rogues intercept a shipment can go one of two ways. A gang of Squirrels is massacred because you denied them access to a shipment that contained food, medicine and weapons. Poorly equipped and hungry, they don't stand a chance. If you feel sympathy for their plight and let them have it, they repay your kindness by murdering humans.

The plot has a lot of political intrigue (which I'm a sucker for) layered with the issue of the Squirrels' terrorist actions. The rebellion of elves and dwarves is seen partly as a struggle for rights, a desire for the Elder races to not lose their place in the world as the humans' power increases, but also as relics of the past attempting genocide in an effort to not be forgotten. It isn't just humans that feel this way, but that opinion is shared by several other non-humans. Geralt himself is met with contempt, partly because he isn't quite human, a relic of when humanity could not survive against monster attacks without abominations of alchemagic. Now there are knights and hunters that can challenge the same sort of work and it appears to be an age without need for a Witcher. There is also the matter of nearly every gossipy woman hearing the legend of the virility of Witchers and throwing herself at you, leading some NPC to shout "It's a Witcher, hide your women" every time they see you.

This RPG has touched me in a way that most haven't, perhaps because I'm playing as an established character rather than a superimposed version of myself (something I'm more used to). I found myself more invested in Geralt & Triss' developing relationship more than I'd been in any other virtual ones, despite my reservations and was sad when I had to kill certain characters, make certain choices or listen to the final voice over. (I hate King Foltest, btw.)

That said, it's far from a perfect game. In addition to the crashing and the early game monotony the dialogue feels stilted and poorly delivered in places and cringeworthy in others and there's also the matter of running into the same gorram NPC ad infinitum.

Nevertheless, the player is rewarded fairly well for sticking through the unfriendly first few hours to grasp the solid gold that lies beneath. At the time of writing I'm 2-3 hours into the sequel and as a result cannot speak extensively about it other than to say this: Game is FRACKING Gorgeous. The changes in the combat, inventory system, etc will definitely take some getting used to. It remains timing based and item-dependent, but now with more buttons.

Neither game is on consoles yet, but the future looks bright for ports to exist. However I'd recommend people stop whining about their shitty laptops and buy or build a decent desktop (it's not nearly as expensive as you think). Since most publishers are also in the console market the majority of games don't exactly push a new computer to its limit. Assuming the myriad other uses for your PC don't break it, a good PC will definitely let you game for at least one console cycle without having to swap out too many parts, with a more high-end PC obviously having a longer gaming shelf-life. There's also the fact that you can use your TV as a monitor and a controller for an astonishing number of games.

Anyway, the lesson here is that I have two copies of the Witcher to give away and if you miss out on this opportunity it's $9.99 on Good Old Games or you can wait for a Steam Sale to plummet it from its insane $19.99 tag.

TL;DR
Dear Bioware, less compromising my working relationships with people I'm trying to save humanity/the world/the galaxy/the universe alongside with messy relationships of high school depth and more letting me screw around with several of your best, brightest and sexiest NPCs. Seriously, who the hell needs an issue being made of who's boning who when the end of days is practically upon us? Also, the Witcher lives up to the hype despite some flaws. The Sequel is GORGEOUS. And lastly, I'm giving away two copies of the Witcher, Just claim them.

In 1492, Columbus Lost His Shoe

2011-04-30T11:14:00.002-04:00

...He sat on the dock and beat his [redacted] and called it Junkanoo.

I'm going to spare you the rest of that filthy, filthy children's rhyme. If you hadn't guessed, and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't, this post is going to be an introduction to the yearly festival we in the Bahamas refer to as Junkanoo. It has nothing at all to do with Christopher Columbus and I don't know how that rhyme developed, but it's an extremely pervasive one.

Junkanoo doesn't have a single established origin, but it is believed to have roots in a man named "John Canoe" who was either a fairly stubborn slave who insisted on preserving his own culture & in being allowed to celebrate such things with his people, or a slave owner who allowed the celebrations. Similar tales of this man are spun in other parts of the West Indies and apparently in the Southern United States as well and there are celebrations with similar names.

I'll spare you the talk of the original costumes, scrapped together from whatever the slaves had. In the Bahamas, it was commonplace for slaves to be giving time off around Christmas and they celebrated with masks, grotesque costumes and music.

Today it has erupted into a major competition with thousands of participants. The costumes and show pieces are typically made from crepe paper, cardboard, wires and a ridiculous amount of feathers (though because the costumes are really only allowed to be made from crepe paper and cardboard, above a certain amount there are penalties for cloth, feathers, etc). It takes place on Boxing Day (the holiday the day after Christmas) and New Year's Day often at around 1 or 2am and depending on delays can go well into the morning. Primarily the parade is in on the streets of downtown Nassau, and is one of the few times when Bahamians from all walks of life come together to enjoy this unique display of our culture. I went to the parade with my younger brothers and the girlfriend of one of them this past Boxing Day and really I was supposed to put these videos up months ago, but couldn't be arsed due to the tax on my bandwidth to upload the larger vids. A few are from my phone and I apologize, mostly because I forgot to charge the battery on my camera, so there are some LQ ones and some that go all the way up to HD. I wish I'd remembered to upload these earlier because I'd be able to tag them with the names of the groups.

There are three classes of groups basically, the A class groups, which can have members numbering in the hundreds to the thousands with big budgets and huge nationwide followings, such as The Saxons, The Valley Boys (I went home after they came out, which was like 4am), The Roots, One Family, The Music Makers, etc. The second Class is B, slightly smaller but can have relatively big budgets like Colours, and the third category is basically a few people who tend to do what groups did before they got incredibly artistic and glue some crepe paper to their clothes, get some drinks in them and party on Bay Street. We could argue for days over which group is actually in the Spirit of Junkanoo and which is in it for the cash prize and the bragging rights.

The following footage was shot in the wee hours of the night, so yeah, excuse me if shaky hand syndrome pops in and out. You'll see what we call free dancers, who go throughout the group dancing sometimes to the music their group plays, but mostly to the music in their heads, the choreographed dancers, and the band itself, made up predominantly of brass instruments, cowbells, bicycle horns and the goatskin drum (a drum/barrel with a goat's skin stretched over it is the traditional drum, but it is slowly being replaced by a more contemporary one.) The bands often cover anything from traditional hymns to TOP 40 tracks, so if a song sounds familiar to you it's probably because it is (I'm still mad about them playing Lady Gaga). There are similar parades held at the same time on the other islands of the Bahamas, so yeah, if you're planning a trip, do it for this time of year. This is the reason why I sleep through the Rose Parade every year.

An example of a particularly enthusiastic free dancer from one of the smaller groups.

The Last of the Cameraphone Videos

Giant Robot Sanchez! Or how I became far too biased to properly review El Tigre.

2011-04-18T07:20:00.003-04:00

I believe my good friend @RichyMcBeefy was the first one to tell me about this now cancelled Nicktoon. I couldn't repeat what he told me to convince me to look for it, (not because it was obscene, I just don't remember, though it may have something to do with a certain Zombie Zebra Donkey) but it was undoubtedly his most convincing argument ever. I discovered the show somewhere (I remember watching it on my iPod at one point) and I've been in love with it ever since.

El Tigre: The Adventures of Manny Rivera is a quasi-autobiographical take on Jorge Gutierrez's (the creator) childhood spent defending the residents of Miracle City, Mexico alongside his Superhero father White Pantera against the city's villainous elements.

Or alternatively, terrorizing the citizens alongside his Class S super-villain Grandpapi, Puma Loco. Y'know, whatever's clever.

The show was co-created by Jorge's wife Sandra Equihua, a fact exploited often by White Pantera's declaration of Manny's full name whenever he's done something particularly despicable: Manuel Pablo Gutierrez O'Brian Equihua Rivera.

Manny's far from the smartest or fastest or strongest, but he does have a mystical belt of power that transforms him into the legendary El Tigre when the belt buckle is spun, a fact that escapes no one.

His abilities include agility, increased strength, speed and stamina, razor sharp claws and an awesome roar, presumably all the powers of a tigre.

The mostly self-contained episodes gain most of their plot from the opposing alignments of his Grandfather and Father. Manny looks up to his father and wants to be a truly great hero, a man with honour, yet he's mischievous and in the name of fun he will usually end up involved in some quite dastardly schemes, but he means well, usually.

Tilting Manny towards evil or slightly left of good (Depending on your point of view or the episode) is Manny's childhood best friend: Frida Suarez, and if the El Tigre Wikia is to be believed, his future life partner. The daughter of the police chief, she is referred to behind her back as Manny's trouble-making friend. Unlike the rest of her straight-laced, no-nonsense family, Frida derives more enjoyment from her band the Atomic Sombreros than in do-gooding.

Whenever Manny contends with the floating disembodied heads that represent his father's belief and his own conscience, Frida is usually there to nudge him good-naturedly off course. She is either an evil genius or a complete moron, but I lead towards the former.

What makes the show for me, other than Manny's wildly neutral swings between good and evil (there's an entire episode that hints this process drove his predecessor insane) is the stable of super villains that make up Miracle City's Spicy Cesspool of Crime & Villainy.

The Flock of Fury: Lady Gobbler, Voltura & Black Cuervo:-
The Female, villainous counterpart to the Riveras, they've all suffered horrible breakups at the hands of the Rivera men. Also, they have jetpacks.

Black Cuervo's secret identity is as a classmate of Manny & Frida's: Zoe Aves, Frida's archnemesis. The flock of Fury's frequent cry is "VENDETTA!" as opposed to the Riveras' cry of "THIS I SWEAR!" White Pantera broke up with Voltura in high school, Puma Loco left Lady Gobbler at the altar for what we presume is Manny's grandmother, but knowing him, could easily be another random skank, and Manny once dated Black Cuervo for the sole purpose of gaining information (Frida instantly bowed to him when she learned he was considering this) a course of action that resulted in him getting his ass thoroughly kicked and his father even angrier at him.

Dr. Chipotle Sr. Sr., Dr. Chipotle Sr. and Dr. Chipotle Jr.:-
All voiced by the delightfully insane sounding Richard Horvitz, they are the mad-scientist counterpart to the Riveras. Jr. has a crush on Frida, one that's painfully obvious every time they're both on screen. Their last name is frequently mispronounced, mangled or straight up ignored by Manny, which prompts a corrective scream of "CHI-POT-LE". They frequently scream "SWINE!" after being defeated. Next to Black Cuervo, Jr. and his Guacamole monster are my favorite super villain in show. After all, how can you not love someone who helped to create the world's greatest mustache.

Comrade Chaos, Mano Negra & El Tarantula are three retired Super Villains living in the Casa del Adios.

Sergio/Señor Siniestro:
A foreign exchange student that loves cowboys. He turned to a life of crime after Manny directed him to an elementary school on his first day of eighth grade. A mech whiz kid he builds obscenely large mechas which Manny always makes sure to blow up real good. He is best friends with Jr. & also has a crush on Frida. His first name is a shoutout to Sergio Leone, and so is the name of their school.

El Mal Verde:
An enormous green monster that lives atop a mountain and only comes down once per ten years. He has made lunch of several superheroes and is the lone super villain White Pantera has ever run away from.

El Oso:
Raised by wild bears (sorta, the bears hated him) Oso isn't the brightest, but he is quite strong and can be trouble in a fight. He seems to have a sense of justice as he once saved Manny & Frida in exchange for a favour (their help in winning the heart of the Bear Princess). He is also very attracted to shiny things and money bags.

The Titanium Titan:
White Pantera's former best friend and sidekick. After White Pantera quit superheroing full-time to focus on raising Manny, the Titan had a hard time being taken seriously as a superhero and eventually turned to a life of villainy. He thoroughly hates Manny and holds the delusional belief that if Manny is killed he and White Pantera can go back to being best friends. He is capable of shape shifting (due to the liquid titanium somehow?) and has often disguised himself as completely different identities or random background items.

El Cucharon:
He controls spoons with his mind. Manny once broke his favorite wooden spoon. A joke villain, he turns to a life of good at the encouragement of Manny's mother Maria, a famous mariachi singer.

General Chapuza & Che:
Like all zombies from the dreaded town of Calavera, they are exceptional dancers (Manny quite stupidly insults their dancing skill, to Frida's detriment). Calavera is populated by only the most hardcore of hardcore hoods, thugs & other villains. Talented at soccer, they have never lost the Youth Championship, even in Grandpapi's day.

Giant Robot Sanchez:
Just as the name indicates, he's a giant robot named Sanchez. He is incapable of speech but is able to be understood by other robots. He lives on a robot island and apparently wreaks havoc on Miracle City as his day job.

Sartana of the Dead:
Easily the most powerful super villain and the most feared. Her weapon is a mystic guitar that is linked to her life as a revived skeleton, gives her power over the dead and controls her skeleton bandito army. She frequently abducts Frida due to her own foolishness and once was engaged to Grandpapi, a relationship that was foiled by Manny and a giant Aztec-god-like creature named Monsterzuma. On more than one occasion her guitar has been stolen from her, and has even been broken a time or two, but she somehow comes out of it okay. Death has no power over I guess. She has a grandson named Django of the Dead.

Some other notable characters are:

Maria:
Manny's awesomely loaded mariachi singer mother. She moves to Miracle City to play a more active role in his life and initially has a spectacular mansion (It boasted a TV bigger than the room it was in, an ice rink for bumper cars & a sink that creates hot and cold running Churros) before it is destroyed in a fight with El Oso and Dr. Chipotle Sr. She takes up a job as a librarian and divorced White Pantera over the fact that his insistence on working as a Super Hero gives her panic attacks, also she may not love him anymore, not that he cares. She's also a former Super Hero, known as Plata Peligrosa, but turned her back on that life once she realized how addicted she became to danger.

Raul:
The world's greatest Mustache.

Zebra Donkey:
Leone's mascot, Manny accidentally kills him by feeding him banana splits. All Zebra donkeys are allergic to bananas apparently.

The Seventh Samurai:
A reference to the Seven Samurai, he is voiced by George Takei.

Davi Roccco/Albino Burrito:
A boy we're led to believe is incredibly silly and is along Sergio's lines of naïveté. Despite everyone else's protests that he isn't, he considers himself a superhero and has two main weapons: The Power Piñata of Punishment & a Mexican Hat dance. Both of these weapons are greatly underestimated in their ability to make things go boom. He's an obvious comic book nerd and probably more than a little crazy. He looks up to El Tigre (which probably will lead to his own demise) and wants desperately to be acknowledged as a Super Hero by him. He sings his own theme song and is described as having a "rich inner fantasy life".

Little Bullied Kid
Not much is known about him (by me) including his name, but he is often bullied, mistreated, and thrown in a locker. You see him in one predicament or another in many episodes, and he seems resigned to his cruel, cruel fate.

I'm going to try to upload a sample episode that I think captures the humor of the series pretty well, but who knows, the fact that I know almost all of these episodes by heart may have completely tricked me into thinking the episodes are funny. As such, this is less a true review and more an introduction to the characters of what I feel is a very underrated, prematurely canceled Nicktoon.

If you live in the US, you can find the show on Nicktoons in its entirety here

PO-TAY-TO Sack (Or Po-tah-to, whatever)

2011-04-14T18:37:00.007-04:00

So between now and whenever Portal 2 actually releases, anytime between this post and the 19th of April, the Potato Sack, an indie game compilation of seriously good games is available for the unbelievably reasonable price of $37.47 (13 games for this price is unreal). Of the thirteen games on sale I apparently own 5, leaving me with 8 to disperse between my adoring fans. Like the last time I did one of these, all you have to do is comment below and request a game from the list. And if you haven't voted for our Top Of The Aughts Awards go ahead and submit, but that's if you feel like it I guess. I will put up the Character options this weekend, I promise.

Unless otherwise noted, only one of each game available. Don't forget to include your email as you're claiming a prize, or you could add me to steam I guess here. You can also buy it yourself or check out the latest Humble Indie Bundle that lets you pay what you want for Trine and 3-4 other games (Depending on your definition of game) with charities as beneficiaries.

~~Amnesia~~
By the minds behind Penumbra, the shit your pants scaringiest, immersive indie game of last year (I may be exaggerating a bit). Best played in a dark room in headphones, keep in mind that you're trying to play, not break the game.

~~Audiosurf~~
Play your music! This is the first Steam Game I ever owned and I've sunken over 54 hours into it, most of those I don't even regret. Just don't challenge me by beating my scores, I have a problem that I shouldn't reawaken. I'm including one of many gameplay videos, the song chosen because come on, you'd think of it too. The player in this vid is doing a mode that requires you avoid grey tiles, which is not as easy as it looks.

Bit.Trip.Beat
I haven't gotten around to playing this game yet, seeing as my massive steam library of STOP BUYING GAMES AND PLAY THE ONES YOU HAVE YA IDGIT prevents me, but I'm aware the game was also on Wii.

Cogs
This game was also available during Steam's last big sale as part of an indie pack which was when I picked it up, have yet to play it but it's a puzzler.

Defense Grid
Tower Defense game where you save your resources and territory from ALIENS. I played it for a couple hours before I got distracted, but I dug it a lot. If you're into Tower Defense that doesn't involve plants or zombies, this is probably for you.

~~Killing Floor~~
Class-based zombie shooter that you can play online co-op in. Those on my friends list have dumped hours into it when they should've instead been playing with me, which should tell you how much fun it can be.

~~Super Meat Boy~~
Heralded as a return to the days when games were difficult and frustrating without being cheap, Super Meatboy pays homage in a lot of ways to that other SMB (Super Mario Brothers), but basically you play Meat Boy, a young sentient Meat Slab that has his gf (Bandage Girl) stolen by Dr. Fetus (a fetus in a tux, top hat & monocole). I don't even think I should say more.

~~The Ball~~
The Companion Cube is a Ball and there is a zombie gorilla. What could you possibly be waiting on?

No Genres, Just One Music: Nothing Falling Slowly On You

2011-04-02T00:28:00.002-04:00

The second of the three short stories I've completed. This is also sort of a romance as I'm getting to be near that age, you know the one, where I'm just days short of bursting into flames. This one wasn't requested by anyone either (I'm sure you're seeing a trend by now) and is unique in that it's a combination of two songs.

The first song is "Falling Slowly" which despite never having seen Once, the movie it's the main song in, is important to me because of its frequency in Korean Variety show We Got Married. It is used to decent effect (the guy's singing voice is nowhere near as good as Glen Hansard and he doesn't speak English) the first time in a very special birthday moment.

Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova - Falling Slowly

The second song was on my mind because it only played ninety-nine billion times on the radio last year. It's an earnest, entirely poppy love song that I should be ashamed of myself for liking, but I don't care.
B.o.B. ft. Bruno Mars - Nothing on You

B.o.B - Nothin On You by bigtasty

All of that nasty crediting out of the way, now to the story.

Nothing Falling Slowly On You

Simon Reckley, drunken lead Guitarist for Sympathetic Smile blocked the path of the pretty Asian girl in front of him, stretching his arms wide so she couldn't go around him. “I can't let you do that,” he shook his head in disapproval. “I don't want to see a pretty face like yours in tears after he tells you to get to stepping.”

The young lady looked indignant. “That won't happen.”

“No offense,” he laughed a little. “But I've seen my man K.C. turn down way prettier girls than you,” he pantomimed large breasts.

She scowled. Drunk or not, Simon was still lewd and disgusting. “I think it'll be okay.”

“I know he's lead and the chicks dig a rapper, but he has no idea how to party. You'd have so much more fun with us,” he glanced disapprovingly over his shoulder at the young man sitting in a corner by himself texting on his phone. “Besides, he's incredibly loyal to his girlfriend. Like, stupidly loyal even. There's no way she's hot as some of the high class tail he's said no to.”

She smiled to herself despite not wanting to dignify anything Simon said. “In that case it'll definitely be fine,” she shoved past him, causing him to stumble. She approached K.C., smoothing out her dress. “Hi,” she greeted him. “I was watching your performance earlier and you guys were great, you especially. You have incredible charisma, great flow and lyrical content and you own the stage.”

“Thanks,” he didn't lift his eyes from his phone's display screen. “It's always great to hear from our fans.”

Okay the lack of acknowledgment was disappointing, but she pressed on. “I'm not just some fan you know. I think we know each other pretty well actually.”

He still didn't raise his head. Poor guy probably heard claims like that all the time from overenthusiastic female fans.

“You've always talked about the passion you have for music and I'll be honest at first I thought it was just some sort of phase you were going to grow out of. I mean, coming from our backgrounds, nobody would think of having a real career come from music, but seeing you on stage tonight for the first time, I really believe in your dream. You and Sympathetic Smile K.C., I really want to give my everything to make sure that you guys can fulfill it.”

“If you want to join our street team you'll have to talk to our manager about it. He's really the one that handles all of those sort of details.”

And now he'd passed the border of a sweet sort of devotion to his girlfriend and more into the territory of annoying. She felt in her purse for her own cellphone, flicking it on to check to see if she'd gotten any new messages. The zero on the display smirked back at her. And who in the world was he messaging so furiously? She cleared her throat, tired of beating around the bush. She just wanted him to look up and notice her, to see that gorgeous smile cross his face because of her. “I must admit, when our date had to be canceled because of a last minute show I was really upset, but I'm really glad I let Keisha talk me into coming here to support you instead of sulking at home.”

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, suddenly realizing why the voice of the girl in front of him had sounded familiar all along. His thumbs slowed and he tilted his head up. Sure enough, the enthusiastic fan in front of him was really his girlfriend of three months, Melanie Jung. He set his phone down on the table. He shook his head, laughing to himself at his silliness. “I'm sorry for not talking to you properly,” he stood to his feet quickly, bouncing lightly on his toes as he got up. “You'd be surprised how often I get hit on at shows,” he wiped his forehead. “I still haven't figured out how to let girls down gently, so I usually end up ignoring them until they go away.”

“That works?”

He shrugged. “Girls that tend to follow bands around aren't used to being treated like they're not important, so usually they leave in a huff. Sometimes they have shit to say about me online, but some things are more important than banging a groupie.”

She lit up inside, but managed to somehow keep a blank expression. “Well, aren't you glad that I'm the persistent type?”

K.C. reached out and held her hand. “Definitely,” he whispered. “That's only part of what puts you in a different class.”

“K.C.!” his manager yelled, waving him towards them. “Get over here!”

He smiled a soft apology. “I'll be right back. Work calls.”

She nodded, watching as he jogged over to his band's table. An older, important-looking gentleman had just entered the VIP area and was currently being schmoozed by Sympathetic Smile's manager. Melanie sat down in the chair her boyfriend had just been occupying, her hand slowly tracing around the edge of the table before curiosity got the better of her and she seized hold of the phone he'd absentmindedly left behind. Luckily for her, he didn't lock it with a password and she was able to gain access right away.

She immediately wished she hadn't.

She didn't know what she'd expected would be his wallpaper. Maybe the band's logo, a shot of him with the boys or perhaps most deeply a shot of the two of them together. Instead, staring back at her was a smiling black woman, maybe two or three years older than K.C.'s twenty-two dressed in what looked like a greasy pair of mechanic's overalls, a bandanna tied around her cornrowed hair. Despite her obvious lack of cleanliness, it was clear that she was a very beautiful woman, but even the idea that her boyfriend possibly found her pretty wasn't the killer idea. What shoved a dagger directly into her heart was that the woman was holding a cute half-black, half-Asian baby boy in her arms, a boy with her boyfriend's smile. She slammed the phone back down onto the table, a thousand emotions swirling in her: jealousy, betrayal, rage, hatred at herself for trusting him and hatred at him for lying to her so blatantly. He had a son, a child that he hadn't bothered to tell her about.

After a round of picture taking he returned to the table, blissfully unaware of her change in mood. “My manager says we're done for the night, so if you don't mind stopping for a bite to eat on the way, we can go home together.”

She tried her hardest to keep her face from betraying the knowledge she'd just gained, especially since she knew it would cause a fight once he realized what she'd done. “That's not a problem. But before we do that K.C., I have something I need to talk to you about.”

“Sure,” he scooped up his phone from the table, but just as he was slipping it into his pocket it began ringing. He glanced at the Caller ID and his expression turned cold. “Give me a second Mel and we can talk about what you wanted. I have to take this.”

He retreated a few feet away and spoke in hushed tones, leaving Melanie's thoughts to go haywire. From the way his face had suddenly tightened in anxiety there was no doubt in her mind that it was the girl in the picture on the other end. That gold-digging bitch was probably already harassing him over the money he made for tonight's gig. Melanie tightened her fists as the anger inside of her built, switching its focus from her boyfriend to the woman she now believed was trapping him. More than anything else she hated women like that who used their bodies to secure eighteen year blank checks from hapless men in search of a good time.

“Hey,” K.C. took her hand, soberly uncurling her fingers, that action stealing some of her rage and replacing it with the warmth she usually felt around him. His worried brown eyes sought out her matching pair, already feeling regret for what he was about to say. “I'm going to have to grab dinner with you another time. Something came up.”

“Is it your parents?” she questioned, forcing a fake innocently concerned tone into her voice.

He shook his head, surprised that she'd even ask. “It's something with a friend that I have to resolve.”

“Is that all?” she probably sounded more dismissive than she'd intended if the glare he shot her was any indication.

“I'll call you later, okay?”

She hadn't meant to upset him, but K.C. was storming out of the club before she could even say anything. She sighed. “K.C.! Hold on!” she ran carefully after him, focusing on maintaining her balance in the killer heels she'd been talked into wearing. She made it outside just in time to see him standing at the curb near the Valet Desk, staring down the street.

“Wait!” she scuttled towards him as best as she could but just as she got within earshot a noisy, flashy motorcycle roared up in front of him. The person tossed him a helmet and he climbed on, tucking his hands under the seat to brace.

“K.C.!” she pleaded as the bike sped away, almost suffocating with the amount of dust the machine kicked up.

As if the driver heard her, the person turned back a bit and locked eyes with Melanie. Her face was mostly obscured by the helmet, but there was no doubt in her mind that it was the girl from the picture. That bitch.

“So you're just going to ignore the girl that was following you?”

“What girl?” he shouted over the combined noise of the engine and the wind.

“Brown hair, Asian, blue dress!”

He paused, uncomfortable saying this to her. “Oh, that's Melanie.”

“Your girlfriend's pretty K.C. Congrats.”

“Yeah,” he bit back his nausea as her driving got more erratic. Zigzagging in and out of traffic he was used to, barely avoiding collisions he was not. He ignored his stupid hangup on being close to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, hanging on for dear life. “They uh, really know how to pick 'em don't they?”

“Yup! With their track record I see no reason at all for their adult son to make his own decisions!”

“Darnelle,” he frowned in his helmet, somewhat disappointed that they couldn't see each other's facial expressions. “We talked about this!”

“I'm just messing with you,” she took her exit off the highway. “I know firsthand how much you love and respect your parents.”

He wasn't sure if he was imagining the twinge of pain in her voice or just hearing what he wanted to hear, so he changed the subject. “How long has he been awake?”

“He took a short nap after dinner, so around seven hours. Normally I'd just let him play 'til he tires himself out but he's been crying for you the last hour or so. My roommate and I both have work in the morning and my neighbor has already threatened to call the cops for child abuse.”

She applied the brakes, coming to a stop in her usual parking space, applying the kickstand and dismounting cleanly.

K.C. got off the bike a lot slower, his legs still unsteady from the madcap trip over. “When did he start asking for me?”

“Two hours ago,” she replied, walking towards her first floor apartment. “When he realized we weren't going to stay up and play with him all night.”

“You should've called and told me earlier.”

She winced at the sound of the boy crying through the door. “I thought he would've cried himself to sleep by now. I didn't think he was so stubborn. And besides, I didn't want to bother you in the middle of a gig. You need it, you know.”

“I'm his Dad Darnelle. If he needs me you don't have to feel guilty about calling me.”

The door to the apartment above hers busted open as if it had been kicked. A burly white man with a head full of thinning curly blonde hair forced his way outside, a metal baseball bat clenched in pale knuckles. “Goddammit Darnelle! Didn't I already warn you to shut that little shit up?”

“Yes!” she snapped. “But why don't you remind me of what you plan to do with that baseball bat Gerald?”

He scowled, lifting the bat onto his shoulders. From experience K.C. knew that if Gerald continued to push this things would quickly get very ugly and very bloody.

Gerald didn't know Darnelle nearly as well as he did. “Well, why didn't you beat him until he shut the fuck up? Isn't that the way you people are taught to take care of children?”

Darnelle jerked forward imperceptibly and then smiled sweetly, barely held in place by K.C.'s fingers balled up in her jacket. “Why that was the first thing I tried, of course.”

He was getting desperate to alleviate the situation. He'd come over because he wanted to be with his son, not go home with his baby mama's blood on his clothes. He bowed his head slightly, not releasing his grip on her. “We're going to do our best to make sure you can rest well.” He tried to diffuse the raging tempers with a smile and apology. “We're very sorry.”

“Alright,” Gerald seemed to relax a bit, leaning the bat down against the railing. “Ten minutes and then I'm coming in to shut him up myself. You won't like it if I have to do that.”

K.C. turned Darnelle towards the door in an effort to remind her of just why she was there. “Let's just go inside.”

“You seem like a pretty smart kid,” It turned out Gerald didn't know when to stop. “A word of advice Short Round. Get out before this bitch bleeds you dry.”

This time restraining her took both arms and even then she managed to haul him halfway to the stairs. He pulled her back to face the door, placing his body between her and the chortling racist. He plucked the key out of her hands and opened the door, dragging them both inside before she could be goaded into an incident.
Taking their minds off of her ignorant neighbor was the little boy sitting in the middle of the floor. His eyes were puffy and red, his left thumb in his mouth to stifle his cries, the other hand pushing the wheels of his truck over the exposed leg of his mother's sleeping roommate Marco.

K.C. fake growled, rushing over to his son and snatching the little boy up in his arms, pretending to nibble on his neck. “What are you doing up so late?”

The twenty-one month old only giggled. “Daddy!”

His mother sighed in exhaustion. “Next time try saying you want him earlier instead of crying so much.”

He tickled his son's bare stomach, walking him towards his bedroom. “You need to get some sleep or you'll be cranky as hell at daycare tomorrow.”

On cue, his eyelids drooped.

“That's a good boy,” he stroked his back. “You just wanted to see Daddy before you went to sleep, didn't you Kedar?”

Unsurprisingly his only response was short puffs of air against the side of his neck. The defiant little boy had gotten exactly what he wanted and once that happened his body shut down. He laid his son down on his bed, watching him sleep peacefully, one hand curled around the edge of his pillow before retreating from the room, closing the door softly.

“Here,” Darnelle's voice just barely preceded the feel of an ice cold can against his neck. “I'm sure you can use this.”

He turned to take the beer from her. “I'm serious about it you know.”

She gulped down the remains of her drink. “About what?”

He tried his best to ignore how gorgeous she looked even under the dim lighting of the hallway. “About Kedar. If he needs anything, it doesn't matter what it is, who I'm with or what I'm doing. Nothing is more important to me than my son.”

She suddenly looked shy, her fingers busy fraying the edges of one of her many plaits. “What if I'm the one that needs you? Is it still okay to call you?”

~~~

The most obnoxious children's song in all the world forced him awake just in time to see Darnelle reaching over him for her cellphone. Her coveralls were pulled up as far as her waist, the only clothing on her upper torso a black sports bra. Her toothbrush hung lazily from her lips as she fumbled to shut off the alarm.

“What time is it?” he murmured, his voice still thick with sleep.

“Seven.”

Now he was wide awake. He bolted out of bed, gathering up his discarded clothing and stretching them on frantically. “Shit,” he slapped his forehead. “I forgot to call Mel last night.”

“That's probably for the best,” she ducked into the bathroom and spat out her mouthful of toothpaste.

“No, it's not. I promised her that I would.”

She shrugged, pulling on her Delgado's garage T-shirt. “It won't matter. It's not like she knows who I am.”

“We haven't discussed you.”

“But you will soon, right?” Darnelle knelt next to the bed, reaching underneath in search of her workboots.

He didn't answer.

She rolled her eyes. “Do you even want your relationship with her to work?”

He bristled as he tied his shoelaces, annoyed that she would even ask him that. “Of course I do,” he tried to avoid staring at her ass.

She emerged triumphant. “Two tips then. One, tell her about Kedar immediately. Women don't like being surprised by things like that. Secondly,” she smoothed his hair affectionately, combing his hair with her fingers before tilting his Batman cap on his head sideways. “If you're really serious about making it work and you're not just trying to make your folks happy you should probably stop having sex with me.”

K.C. could only blink at the matter-of-fact way she stated it, both surprised and shamed by her second piece of advice. “I try-I mean, I want to stop coming back here, but K-”

She cut him off. “Don't even try to use him as an excuse K.C. I swear to God I will hurt you if I ever hear you doing that.”

“C'mon,” he begged. “You know how hard this is for me.”

She pulled her coveralls up onto her shoulders. “I'm not going to get strung along all the way up to your wedding just because you want to avoid conflict K.C. Eventually you're going to have to stand up for yourself.”

“Mm,” he stood up, buckling his belt. The doorknob twisted back and forth a few times before it opened and Kedar appeared behind it. He was dressed in a pair of diapers and the top half of blue Batman PJs. His grin split his face at the sight of parents, his tiny eyes smiling as well. “Hi!”

“Morning,” K.C. was grateful for the intrusion. He squatted and held his hand out towards his son. The happy boy giggled, wrapping his hand around two of his father's fingers, looking nothing like the miserable creature he was last night.

It was Darnelle's voice that reminded him of his other responsibilities. “Do you need Marco to give you a lift home or would you prefer to borrow the bike?”

He fished his cellphone out of his pocket. 7:17. “When does the next bus come by?”

“It's usually outside by now,” K.C. planted a friendly kiss on her cheek before she finished the sentence, duplicated it on Kedar's cheek and was out the front door before she blinked.

He didn't have to chase the bus for more than a few hundred feet before it came to a stop and let him on. He scrambled to the back of the bus and collapsed into a window seat, breathing heavily.

Now that the was an adult his parents were a lot more lenient when it came to curfew, especially now that his job was almost exclusively at night. However, they still preferred that he at least slept at home, if only to set the example for his younger siblings. Considering that his band mates typically partied late into the morning he knew that he'd only be in for a lecture at the very worst. He climbed down from the bus at his stop, texting Mel as he walked down the street to his house.

“Sorry I forgot to get back to you last night. Things with my friend got out of control and it slipped my mind.”

Whistling last night's finale he eased up his driveway, unlocking the front door. The interior of the house was dark, odd considering almost everyone in his family was an early riser. Oh well, easier for him to sneak into bed without anyone noticing and perhaps avoid the lecture altogether. He was almost at the stairs when he heard loud sniffling coming from the kitchen.

“Kyungsoo Choi!” his mother yelled.

K.C. froze in position, halfway up the stairs to freedom.

“We already know it's you,” unlike the furious tone of his mother, his father was completely calm. “We need to talk.”

Shit. So much for sneaking in. Meekly, he shuffled down the stairs and into the kitchen. The light flicked on to reveal his Dad standing by the doorway, his Mom sitting at the table, her arms around a sobbing-

“Mel?” he wondered. “What are you doing here?

“I've got a better question,” his father interjected. “Where did you go last night and who did you go there with?”

Triple shit. “You already know I had a gig last night. Well after the club asked us to leave the guys dragged me from one bar to the next til morning. The only reason I even got away from them was because they all passed out.”

His mother released a long, drawn out disappointed sigh. “I can't believe I raised a wretched son like you. Poor Melanie is right in front of you crying and you'd still lie to your parents.”

“I'm not lying!” he protested, trying to think up a way out of this.

“I'm giving you one more chance Kyungsoo,” his father's warning tone was starting to get dangerous. “Where'd you go after your gig and who did you go there with? It's a pretty simple question.”

He shrugged. “A friend of mine.”

“Do you have a lot of friends that are gangsters or is it just the one?”

K.C. didn't know what to think. “What?” he stared dumbly at Melanie. “Is that what you thought? I mean, she has a terrible temper, but she's not a gangster.”

“She?” his mother, father and girlfriend had identical looks of shock on their faces. “You abandoned Melanie for another woman?”

“N-no,” K.C. protested, writhing under their combined glare. “It's not what you think.”

“Then explain it to us, and do it quickly,” his father was quite close to the limit of his cool. “Right now it looks like you spent the night with another woman.”

He winced. “That's definitely not it! It's just-” his frustration got the better of him. “Why'd you even come over Mel? I told you were I was going!”

“What did you expect me to do?” she shouted, tears streaming down her face. “I just wanted to talk to you about that picture. What I was supposed to think when I saw you get on that motorcycle with that rough-looking woman?”

“Rough-looking? Really?” he swiped his hat off his head and tossed it on the table, unable to believe what he was hearing. “You thought I couldn't handle myself with some girl?”

“Who is she?” Melanie cried. “Why do you keep pictures of her on your phone?”

“Wait. On my phone? You're upset with me because you were looking at my phone without permission?” he laughed. “Weren't you just looking for trouble to begin with?”

“Kyungsoo...” his mother warned.

“And another thing,” he ignored her. “Just because she's black and rides a motorcycle doesn't automatically make her some thug.”

His father slammed his fist down on the table, startling the arguing youngsters. “Can we get back to the main issue here? Poor Melanie came here at 2 in the morning crying because she couldn't find you or get in contact with you after she saw you leave the club with a woman. You stayed out the entire night and only just sent her a text a few minutes ago. Then when you finally got home you lied to us, because none of your band mates remembered seeing you after the group talked to the Warner rep. You want to save yourself now or should you continue digging a deeper hole?”

“Melanie is such a nice girl,” his mother stroked her hair in a comforting gesture. “I don't know what kind of man would intentionally put her through this kind of heartache. You're so lucky to have someone like her and to throw that all away for exactly the same kind of gutter trash you turn down every night you perform is mind-blowing.”

“You don't even know her!” he protested. “Haven't you guys taught me my whole life not to be judgmental?”

“Then call her,” his father ordered. “Maybe she can explain things better than you can.”

“I don't-” he looked down at his phone. “I don't think that's a good idea.”

“Don't forget Kyungsoo,” his mother said sharply. “You begged Melanie's father to give you permission to date her after you told him what your goals were in life. What do you think is going to happen when he finds out about last night? Do you think you're going to ever see her again? Or is that what you want?”

“N-no,” he stuttered lamely, wondering how things had gotten this out of control.

“Then call her,” his father crossed his arms menacingly over his chest. “We'll wait.”

Under the withering stare of his parents he found Darnelle's number in his contacts and dialed it. As soon as she answered he had to jerk the phone away from his ear to avoid being deafened by loud Spanish Hiphop.

“Hello!” she shouted over the music, loud enough for the other three people in the room to hear her.

“H-hey,” he wished he could give her some sort of clue of what she was getting into.

“Gimme a second!” her voice sounded tinier briefly and then he heard her yell at someone in the background.
“Just turn down the volume Josue. I'm on the phone for Chrissake.”

Obediently the volume lowered and he could hear her clearly. “Where are you right now?”

“On the way to take Kedar to daycare and then Josue and I are headed to work, why?”

“You mind swinging by my house for a bit?”

“Why?” she exchanged a worried look with Josue.

“Well, uh, my parents are here-” he continued on quickly before she could interrupt. “And so is Melanie. They want to, uh, meet you, because of last night.”

“For fuck's sake K.C.,” she massaged her temples. “This is not what I need right now. I barely got any sleep last night.”

“I know, I know,” he replied, nearly at his wit's end. “I don't think there's any other option.”

She glanced into the back at the boy asleep in his car-seat, giving Josue a good hard punch in the arm for nearly waking him with his stupid music. “I'm sure you want me to come right now, but what am I supposed to do with Kedar? We're closer to your house than to his school.”

He sighed deeply. Well, if he was going to get himself kicked out of his parents' house today he might as well put all of his cards on the table. “Come straight here. We'll sort everything out then, okay.”

Her stomach lurched at that. She really did not feel comfortable bringing her son into his house right now, but she knew he'd only ask her to if he felt there really was no alternative. “I really hope you know what you're doing.”

“Me too,” he hung up his phone, resting it on the table.

“Well?” his Dad glared.

“She's coming,” K.C. replied, his edginess adding a sharp tone to his voice. “If you'll excuse me for a second, I have to go throw up.”

Before his parents could even acknowledge his request, he bolted past them, locking himself up in the downstairs bathroom.

~~~

“Kyungsoo stop screwing around!” his uncle yelled. “I'm not paying you because I like you. Do some work.”

K.C. rolled his eyes, popping his headphones out of his ears and standing to his feet, leaving behind the book he'd been reading. “Who's next?”

The line was about ten people deep and the store's clientele tended to either be mechanics that thumbed their nose at him for his lack of knowledge or idiots who didn't know anything at all but still wanted to fix their own cars. He hated dealing with them both. He was only working here because his Dad's company made him take a pay cut. It didn't help that his uncle was a miser and exploited the fact that he was family to pay him lower wages and work him twice as hard.

“Welcome to Pit-Stop Auto Parts. My name is K.C., how may I be of service?”

“That speech only works if you add a fake smile at the end,” his customer responded dryly.

He could tell without looking that this woman wasn't going to make his day any better. He logged into the computer. “I'll keep that in mind. Anything in particular you're looking for?”

“CV Boot, U-joint, brake caliper and a set of front brakes for a 1995 Geo Tracker.”

Upon hearing the name of the car he knew it would be pretty unlikely they had the parts. “Look, I'd hate for you to get your hopes up, but maybe you should try somewhere else.”

“I've already tried the dealer for the boot and caliper and four other stores for the rest. If I don't get this car out of the garage soon I don't get paid. So please, at least look.”

That tore K.C.'s eyes away from the computer screen. He'd assumed the car was her own, but-wow. The pencil that he'd been tapping on his leg with fell to the ground. The woman in front of him looked to be barely out of high school, but the braids, the threatening-looking visible tattoo on her neck and the hard glare in her eyes made her seem much older. None of that mattered more to K.C. than the fact that she was gorgeous. “Well,” he cleared his suddenly dry throat. “We definitely have the U-joint, caliper and brakes but the system says we only have one CV Boot in stock. Usually that means we're out,” one look at the disappointed look on her face and he quickly continued. “Um, I'll go look in the back anyway for it and you stay here. Ah!” he realized his error. “Wait here I mean.”

The worry etched on her face began to break, the erasure of the tense lines making K.C. feel a little woozy. There was no way she should be getting more attractive to him with each passing second. She wasn't even doing anything. He turned away from the counter quickly and almost ran over his coworker, Eric.

“You okay K.C.?” he waved his hands in front of the teenager's eyes as they walked into the stock area. “You seem out of it.”

“Think so. Hey man, real talk, is it just me or -?”

Eric glanced back at the shop area. “Oh, Darnelle? Trust me, it's definitely not just you. She's not normally my style,” he bit down on his lower lip, his eyes rolling a bit into his head. “But there is nothing I wouldn't do for a piece of that chocolate,” he glanced at the ink on K.C.'s arms and pointed out a shelf on the second floor. “Start up there for what you're looking for.”

“Thanks.”

Eric began to walk towards his parts and then paused. “By the way, she's a mechanic, and a pretty damn good one at that, so try to impress her some other way.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You tried that?”

He seemed loathe to recall that moment, shuddering as he did. “Just don't be like me bro and it should be okay. If you hit it, that's almost as good as if I did.”

Um, right. K.C. watched him walk away and then headed up the rickety stairs in search of Darnelle's order. After seven minutes or so of digging and nearly toppling a shelf on himself, he found what he was looking for. Oh yeah, a happy dance was definitely in order. According to Darnelle she'd already hit five shops in search of this and if he was to deliver them to her it'd make her day and perhaps make her more receptive. He returned to the counter, trying his best to conceal his triumphant smile.

“Well?”

He placed all of the boxes on the counter in front of her and grinned. “Found 'em.”

The smile that broke the iciness in her eyes was more than worth nearly crushing himself and the tripling of the butterflies in his throat.

She breathed a sigh of relief, leaning against the counter. “Thank God.”

His eyes were drawn immediately to her breasts and his hormonal teenage brain went nuts. It was hard to concentrate on casually ringing up her purchases when his imagination was currently overloading him with sensitive imagery.

“Are you okay?”

“Huh?” he was surprised he managed that instead of the “Titties!” he was thinking.

“I asked if you were okay,” she pointed at him. “Your ears are really red.”

“I'm sorry, it's just that you are extremely hot,” even as he was saying it a look of horror crossed his face. Fuck. “I didn't mean to say that!” he blurted. “That was really unprofessional and if my uncle knew he'd kill me.”

She smirked at the sight of the boy in front of her going into self-destruct mode.

Her change in expression only made him worse. “It doesn't make it untrue. Man, I'm an idiot,” his pained frown teased the smirk into a smile. “You must hear that all the time.”

“Not as much as you'd think actually. It's sort of refreshing. You said your name was K.C., right?”

“Yep!” he replied enthusiastically, hoping that she wasn't asking his name to report him.

“Well I'm Darnelle,” she extended a hand to him across the counter. “It's a pleasure to meet you.”

He took her hand in his, marveling at the contrast in tones they made. Her hand was rough and calloused, unlike the baby soft ones of his female classmates. He didn't care anymore if his uncle got mad at him. “Um, so, you work near here?”

She nodded. “Delgado's Garage,” she dug in her pocket for a white slip. “Here's the purchase order cutie.”

His ears were probably on fire. “P-Pardon?”

She shrugged as he completed the process. “A compliment for a compliment is only fair.”

He bagged her parts. He didn't want this to end so soon. “You mind if I take these out for you?”

“It's okay,” she reached for the bags. “You don't need to.”

The goofy, air-headed smile on his face was probably permanent and he didn't care how stupid he looked. She thought he was cute. “I insist.”

Darnelle gave in, amused by the kid. “Fine.”

As he stepped out from behind the counter he could feel Eric's jealous stare and his uncle's angry glare boring holes into him. It's not like he was slacking, not completely anyway. It didn't matter if the bags weren't all that heavy, this helped him avoid having to serve more customers, it kept him around a pretty girl and it was a part of his job. Win-win-win. “So, do you shop here often?”

She unlocked a gray sedan. “Not really,” she watched him put the bags in the car.

“You should come by more,” he replied. “I'll make sure you get my discount.”

“That's sweet,” she smiled back at him. “How old are you?”

“Sixteen.”

“Still in high school?”

He nodded. “Eleventh grade.”

“I thought so,” she frowned.

His stomach dropped. This had been going so well. Dammit, why hadn't he just lied? “I-Is that bad?”

She smirked at his uneasiness. “Maybe. However will I know when you're at work?”

He got that hint easily, pulling out a Pit-Stop Auto business card out of his top pocket. He quickly scrawled his number on it and passed it to her. “Call before you head over.”

“I'll do that,” she turned towards her car to go and then turned, pulling out her wallet and withdrawing a few small bills. “Here,” she handed it shyly towards him. “For the exceptional service.”

He stuck his hands in his pockets. “I can't.”

“Trust me,” she stepped forward and pushed the crumpled bills into his back pocket, her hand lingering briefly on him. “Take it.”

He was certain his entire head was on fire now.

Darnelle hopped in her car and drove away, leaving K.C. standing frozen in the parking lot. He reached into his back pocket, the residual warmth she'd left behind still on the bills. He unraveled them slowly to find a small white slip of paper with a phone number on it. “Fuck YES!” Not giving a single shit who might be watching, K.C. broke into a celebratory dance in front of the store. Best day on the job ever, hands down.

~~~

“The next time this asshole calls a practice and shows up thirty minutes late I move we all kick his ass.”

“Are you going to lead the charge Simon?” the voice of the newest entrant to the practice studio taunted him. “Or would you rather not hear the good news I've brought with me?”

Simon dropped his guitar haphazardly on the chair next to him and advanced on his friend, jabbing his index finger accusingly at his chest with every word. “Fuck news I hope you brought money. This place isn't cheap and you've already wasted half the time we reserved.”

“You complain like a woman,” he muttered. “Anyway, I've solved our website issues.”

“The anticipation's killing me Hector,” Andre rolled his eyes at his keyboard, not even bothering to look up. The two of them had always been like this, bickering back and forth like a pair of little girls. He offered an unspoken apology to the other two members, rapper K.C. and drummer Azrielle. “Just let us have it.”

“One of my friends agreed to design our website, logo and maintain it part-time. I was just humoring her at first, but well-you should just see for yourselves."”

He stepped aside to reveal a young woman standing behind him in the doorway. She was dressed casually in jeans and a sleeveless airbrushed t-shirt. Her shoulder-length curly black hair hung loose instead of in her usual braids, hiding her neck tattoo.

“You all already know Darnelle, but I bet you had no idea she was a really talented artist,” he teased.

Azrielle raised her hand. “I knew.”

“Yeah, but you two are sisters, so you don't count,” he shot back.

Andre caught K.C. staring open-mouthed at Darnelle. “Hector, you forgot one person.”

“Huh?” he looked over and caught the dopey smile that had crossed the rapper's face. “Oh.” He motioned for K.C. to join them and the younger man complied, albeit slowly and he hung back awkwardly a few steps away from the pair, unsure what kind of relationship they shared.

“Hi,” he waved shyly, proud of himself for managing to say anything at all. His Dad had gotten a better job a few weeks after they'd met and forced him to quit working at Pit-Stop to focus on his grades against his wishes. They'd only managed to have one or two phone conversations and hadn't met once since then. “You're still amazingly pretty,” he gushed in a voice that he hoped was low enough to only be heard by her. “The piercings are new,” he pointed at his nose and lip. “I like your hair...”

She didn't seem to have heard his compliment. “A lot of things can change in two years.”

Hector shot the pair an odd look. “You two know each other?”

“We've met,” Darnelle replied coolly, brushing her bangs out of her eyes.

He recognized that the atmosphere was odd. Their usually composed, charismatic, and confident rapper seemed completely shook at her presence and he'd known Darnelle long enough to know that she wasn't any better. “I've known D. since we were both in diapers, so don't worry. She's not nearly as tough as she looks,” he pulled the sketchbook out of her hands, a sneaky grin dancing on his lips. “And you'll be glad to know K.C., she's recently very single.” he danced laughingly out of the range of her punches. “I'll leave you two to catch up.”

“Get back here Hector!” she barked, only stopped from running after him by K.C.'s brief touch on her arm.

“You had a boyfriend?” the shock of meeting her again, that he'd waltzed blindly into a band made up of people that spent their lives with her combined with this new information made him a bit woozy. “Is that why you never called me?”

She avoided looking at him, instead training her eyes on the rest of Sympathetic Smile hovering around Hector and her artwork. “I went to the store maybe a month after and the owner said you quit. He seemed pretty upset that I was asking about you, so I just let it ago. The next time I came by he made me so uncomfortable that I stopped shopping there,” she sighed. “I really wanted to use your discount too.”

“I'm sorry,” he really felt like an idiot for not trying harder to contact her. “It's just that my Dad got in the way and I really wanted to stay, but-” his voice tapered off when he realized that she hadn't answered his question. “Wouldn't your boyfriend have been upset if he knew you were flirting with me while you two were together?”

“It's not like it matters. Maybe if you'd manned up back then things would be different now. I don't give my number to just any cute parts salesman you know.”

That c-word clouded his brain again. “Things can still be different now,” he blurted. “If you want them to that is.”

“How would they be any different?” she replied, an annoyed tone in her voice. “You don't know anything about me.”

“I know you like me beyond just thinking I'm cute.”

She smirked to herself. “You've gotten bold and presumptuous since you got out of high school.”

“I may not know you well, but I know Hector. He was protecting you at first when you came in here, but as soon as he looked at us together he left you with me. That can only mean one of two things,” he took a brave step forward, pleased when she didn't back down. “Either he doesn't think I'm a threat, or he's more afraid of you being angry at him for getting in your way than me possibly trying something with you,” the fact that she didn't shove him away was promising. It made him rejoice on the inside that she never flinched, her eyes remaining firmly locked on him. There wasn't a single hint of weakness in her pose and that thrilled him. “I think you want me to try something almost as badly as I've wanted to see you these past two years,” he reached a hand towards the strands of hair that fell into her eyes, obscuring her expression.

She caught his wrist, preventing him from reaching his goal. “Not so fast loverboy. You had my phone number AND you've known where I worked the past two years. I don't buy this whole act.”

His cool nearly broke down. “I'm not exactly the bravest guy in case you couldn't tell, and I say things without thinking and embarrass myself when I'm nervous so I just thought you'd think I was just some idiot kid if I showed up at your job.”

“You could've just called.”

"I did, but you never seemed interested in talking then. I've lived these last two years convinced that I'd never meet you again. If I have to live the rest of my life without seeing you again I don't think I could make it.”

She rolled her eyes, seeming to give in a bit. “I really hope you didn't learn anything about girls from those losers. I've watched them bomb so hard it affected the other guys at the club.”

“So I'm right in guessing that you never dated Hector, Simon or Andre,” he tried not to sound too hopeful.”

She stared at him for a moment, debating with herself in her mind before replying. “Tell you what,” she took him by the elbow. “Come for a ride with me and we can catch up. If I like what you've done with yourself in the past two years, then we can see where it proceeds from there. Deal?”

Definitely. “Deal,” he shifted her fingers from his elbow down to his hand. “You guys can practice without me, right?” he yelled.

“WHAT?” Simon's renown short temper was flaring up. “I don't believe this shit. First Hector completely disregards the practice he scheduled and now you're trying to ditch on us. No fucking way. I don't care what your excuse is. You're staying here and we're having a real legitimate goddamn practice even if I have to break your legs to keep you here.”

Darnelle cleared her throat. “From the videos I've seen of your gigs, K.C. here isn't the one who constantly plays the wrong chords during the bridge of your finale. For a composer Simon, that's downright shameful. Maybe you should try drinking less and practicing harder.”

And then the impossible happened. Simon Reckley's mouth flapped open dumbly for a few seconds before he shut it tightly and returned to his seat, his arms crossed in an imitation of a toddler that had just been punished. “I hate you.” he muttered.

“I heard that Simon,” she warned. “I know you don't want me to come over there for you and break my foot off in your ass.”

He flinched. “Fine, take our only vocalist away for your illicit love affair only a day before our next gig, see if I care.”

Azrielle looked over at their childish guitarist. “I can do K.C.'s parts in practice if you helps you get a better feel. I back him up on stage anyway.”

He clearly didn't like that solution. “Whatever.”

“Oh grow up,” Darnelle rolled her eyes. “We won't even be gone that long.”

Hector didn't even turn to face them. “Behave,” he warned. “Try not to scare him away.”

K.C. stared at the woman next to him in awe. The other guys had never really bullied him, but he'd always been intimidated by Simon and Hector's strong personalities and to see them so easily pulled into line by Darnelle blew his mind. This woman was really more than he could've ever hoped for two years ago.

~~~

K.C. pulled idly at the collar of his starched, rented tuxedo. He couldn't believe he was STILL here at this wedding after four hours. The ceremony itself had been quite brief as far as he could tell, but it was this reception that seemed to not want to end. Don't get him wrong, he was glad to be here. For one, he and the rest of Sympathetic Smile had been paid to play as the entertainment for the first ninety minutes, since Hector was pretty close to the bride and groom. The next reason to be happy sat next to him. His girlfriend, Darnelle had been invited by her friends to stand in their wedding as a bridesmaid and he welcomed any opportunity he had to see her around her friends. The fun-loving bunch that had started their friendship in primary school had accepted him completely as Darnelle's boyfriend and provided him with the occasional window into what she was like before they met.

Darnelle leaned back in her seat, shifting to try to get comfortable again. “You're ready to go, aren't you?”

“What, no!” he pretended that he hadn't just gotten caught daydreaming. “I told you I was coming here with you, not Sympathetic Smile. Whenever you're ready to leave, that's when I'm leaving, and not a second before.”

She rolled her eyes, propping up her head with her hand. “You could've just said yes.”

He shifted in his chair to face her. “I'm serious. I'm enjoying myself, the DJ is actually pretty good and the food was nice,” he stared longingly over at the other members of the band making fools of themselves on the dance floor.

“Go ahead and dance if you want to,” she huffed. “If you're staying here on account of me when you'd rather be dancing I'll only get pissed off at you K.C.”

He put his arm around her, forcing her out of her bored pose. “I can dance at any time,” he replied honestly. “I came here mainly to be with you.”

She slapped him gently across his stomach, not amused in the least by his cheesiness.

The groom approached their table slowly, a strange gleam in his eye. “Darnelle!” he exclaimed happily, his arms open wide. “Leah and I are really SO grateful that you kept your promise even with everything that happened between us,” he wrapped his arms eagerly around the seated woman's waist, enveloping her in a tight hug.

She patted his shoulder awkwardly, her nose wrinkling at the overpowering smell of alcohol on his breath. “It really wasn't a problem. I made the rules for us, so it only makes sense that I keep them.”
He released the hug and stood upright, ruffling Darnelle's perfectly permed hair. “That's my Deedee.”
Well, there went a nickname K.C. had never heard before. Most of her friends seemed afraid to call her by any sort of pet name, though there was the constant use of the word 'Chief' that got banded around.

He looked about ready to leave for the next table, but instead he gave her the once over, lingering on her stomach. “Before I forget, congrats on the kid Deedee.”

She tensed visibly at his acknowledgment of her pregnancy. “Thanks Calvin.”

He glanced over at K.C. “You must be the lucky boyfriend that knocked her up.”

“Um,” he cleared his throat, standing up to shake the older man's hand. “I'm K.C., you might have seen me playing with the band earlier. Congratulations on getting married.”

Calvin grinned gleefully. “I'm so thrilled, seriously,” he glanced over at Darnelle's tightening frown and laughed, his self-preservation skills strangely absent in his inebriated state. “Deedee doesn't want me to talk to you.”

He could feel that she was stiff and uncomfortable around this man, but from Hector's stories, Calvin had been the closest of Darnelle's friends and everyone still looked up to him as a sort of second-in-command. “Why?” he addressed his girlfriend. “Has he done something to you I should know about?”

Calvin cut off her reply. “Don't be silly. I would never hurt her,” the intense look he gave Darnelle spread an uncomfortable jealousy through K.C.'s insides. That was far too intimate for his tastes.
“Hector said you guys were close friends.”

Calvin laughed. “Is that what he said? And Deedee here didn't correct him?” he shook his head at her, taking a seat opposite her. “I can't say I'm surprised that she tried to keep us a secret from you though.”

“Us?” K.C. echoed, wincing as Darnelle squeezed his hand roughly.

“Yup,” he replied cheerfully, willfully ignorant of her rising temper. “We dated for what, four years?”

“Three,” she corrected.

“Three wonderful, memorable years, before she ended it with me out of the blue and shattered my poor, fragile heart.”

“You cheated on me,” she stated bluntly. “I caught you.”

“I won't claim it wasn't stupid, but you didn't even give me a chance to explain myself or to get help.”
“Like you even wanted help,” she scoffed. “You'd rather have gone on having me, Leah and however many skanks you could fit on the side.”

“Ow,” he placed a hand over his heart. Cut me some slack, I was only twenty-one then, still young and stupid.”

“Yeah,” she rolled her eyes. “I bet you're so much more mature a year and a half later.”

“I”m married, aren't I?”

She rolled her eyes. “A piece of paper doesn't make you mature.”

“See K.C.!” he pointed at her in disbelief. “This right here is why I cheated on her. She doesn't have a single shred of romance in her entire body.”

K.C. jerked her hand, pulling her into a protective, restraining embrace. There was no need for him to have to break up a fistfight between the groom and his pregnant bridesmaid.

“I bet you want to beat me up,” Calvin teased. “Knowing you there's a pretty little picture in your head of me lying bleeding on the floor under your heel. That's your problem Deedee,” he shook his head. “You're too violent. I feel for you the most K.C., as someone that's been there. Being her boyfriend is way too exhausting for far too little reward,” he sighed. “At least she puts out I guess, but back then it'd take me and almost all of the Young Revolutionaries to keep her out of jail.” he whistled. “The killer is that you're so pretty. If only you weren't a man in a woman's body.”

K.C. practically had to lie in Darnelle's lap to prevent her from slugging him. “Shut up Calvin!” she warned, shoving her boyfriend off of her. “Or I swear I will shut you up!”

“No! This isshh important,” he slurred. “I don't want it to sneak up on K.C. like it did me. I talked to your previous ex, Rico a few weeks after we broke up and he said the same thing. He just didn't want to date a man anymore.”

Before she could lunge at him, Calvin was hauled to his feet by a white gloved hand. His bride, Leah shoved him out of harm's way, placing herself between Calvin and Darnelle. “I'm so sorry about him!” she exclaimed hurriedly. “I know he becomes an idiot when he's drunk. I should've watched him more closely. Go!” she hissed, forcing him towards the next table.

Calvin drunkenly waved goodbye and stumbled away from them.

“Thanks for doing this for us,” she whispered. “After what we put you through, we honestly don't deserve a friend like you,” she turned towards K.C. “I don't know what he said to you, knowing how drunk he is, it was probably rude and inexcusable, but look at it this way. Darnelle is very important to all of us Young Revolutionaries, even to ones like me and Calvin that were cruel to her and betrayed her trust. He just wants to make sure that you're not going to hurt her like he did.”

Darnelle pushed her chair back, obviously no longer interested in that conversation. “I'm ready to leave now Kyungsoo.”

“Huh?” he wasn't used to her using his full name and quickly scrambled to his feet, reaching across the table to shake Leah's hand. “Congratulations again. I'm sorry things were so weird. I'd have liked to have met you and Calvin under better circumstances.”

“Kyungsoo!” she forced through gritted teeth.

“Sure,” he grabbed the jacket he'd brought along from her off the back of his chair and wrapped it around her shoulders, walking them towards the exit. Despite Leah's apology, Darnelle was still in a very rotten mood. “So...Deedee?”

“Repeat that name Kyungsoo and I swear I will smack the shit out of you.”

“I'm not like him Darnelle,” he whispered. “You know that.”

“Just...forget it,” she muttered.

~~~

A baby blue 1977 Cadillac Eldorado pulled slowly into the driveway of the Choi residence, the loud music and unfamiliar car drawing the attention of the neighbors. Josue shifted the car into park and pulled up the parking brake. “I don't think you should go,” he finally said, lowering the volume to almost zero, bothered by the gloomy expression on his coworker's face. “What do you even have to gain from helping him?”

“I'm not helping him because of me. I already know what that end result will be. They'll reject me, but Kedar needs to know his family.”

Josue turned in his seat to face her. “Yeah, but he never wanted you to meet his parents in the past. That coward's only doing this now because he's in trouble. Don't just walk into a trap and let him make you out to be a villain.”

“Just focus on your own problems Josue.”

He scowled. “I don't get why you're so hung up on someone that treats you like his dirty secret. You've already got his kid so if he hits it big you're guaranteed a huge paycheck. I mean, you won't have to work for the rest of your life. There's no reason to give him additional favors.”

Darnelle gritted her teeth. “If you weren't my ride away from this place you'd be in so much pain right now.”

He leaned on the wheel. “You've really changed a lot D. I can't believe you'd get a guy jerk you around like this. I mean, considering what you did to Calvin after he cheated on you, settling for being the other woman Darnelle? That's not like you at all.”

Her only response was to unbuckle the seatbelt and climb out of the car. She pulled her own chair forward and carefully leaned into the back seat to free Kedar from his harness. “There's a restaurant at the end of the street you can wait for me at. This shouldn't take too long.”

“Look,” he sighed. “Just get back in the car and let's leave. Let him deal with his own fucking family problems.”

She slammed the door shut. “Goodbye Josue.”

“Suit yourself,” he muttered. “I better not get into trouble with Hector and the others because of this!” he shouted as he began to reverse.

She waved him off and took a deep breath, settling the sleeping toddler on her shoulder. The house loomed in front of her ominously, her imagination adding dangerous lightning flashing behind it. Nothing beneficial awaited her behind the front door, she knew, but perhaps today she'd finally have the courage to settle things properly with K.C. She approached the door, each step feeling like a heavier burden piled onto her shoulders. With courage she knew a woman in her position shouldn't posses, she raised her free hand pressed down on the doorbell.

~~~

The knock on the bathroom door startled K.C. out of his memories. That's right, he wasn't at Pit-Stop, or band practice or at a hotel, he was at his parents' house, about to face the challenge of his short life.
The voice of his brother Jayson rumbled through the door. “Mom and Dad said to come get you. There's some woman at the door to see you.”

He jumped up off of the toilet, his heartbeat hammering violently in his ears.

“Wash your face,” Jayson advised. “And brush your teeth too if you really have been puking,” he walked away from the door, slightly annoyed at his elder brother for the entire early morning ordeal.

K.C. approached the sink, filling his hands with water and dashing it over his face before looking up into the mirror. He looked exactly like he'd expected, like a man whose life was about to end.

~~~

The door opened slowly to reveal K.C., his eyes downcast. The urge welled up inside of her to lift his head and tease him until he smiled, but she knew he deserved to be in the position he was in. It was his own cowardice and spinelessness that had led to the current situation, but that didn't stop her from feeling sorry for him.

“Come in,” he muttered. “Everyone's waiting to meet you.”

Darnelle stepped into the house, taking her shoes off and setting them together near the door. His home was much better than she'd imagined. It was probably the size of the house she'd grown up in and her apartment combined. If this was any indication of their wealth and status, no wonder his parents had disapproved of him pursuing music. Kedar snuggled more tightly against her neck and she was reminded of just what this meeting represented and the bottom dropped out of her world, freezing her in her steps. Josue was right, this was a terrible idea. These people had more than enough reason to scorn her, and by extension, her son.

K.C. turned to face her when he stopped hearing the sound of her footsteps. For the first time in four years of knowing her he saw fear on her face. “A-are you okay?”

The emotion disappeared from her face as quickly as it had appeared. “I'm fine. Let's get this over with.”

He led her into the dining room where his parents and girlfriend sat, now accompanied by his eighteen-year-old brother Jayson and seventeen-year-old sister Ariana. He cleared his throat. “Um, everyone, this is my friend Darnelle. Darnelle, these are my parents, my brother Jayson, my sister Ariana, and my girlfriend, Melanie.”

She would only be lying to herself if she didn't admit that she'd longed for the day she'd be introduced to his family, but the 'friend' tag stung. She bowed her head slightly. “I wish we could've met under less tense circumstances.”

His mother cut right to the chase. “Tell us Miss Darnelle, how do you know our Kyungsoo?”

K.C. quickly jumped in, answering for her. “You guys all know our drummer, right?” he didn't wait for a response. “Well, Darnelle is Azrielle's big sister.”

“K.C.,” his father warned. “I believe the young lady has her own mouth and can speak for herself. And for future reference, if a question isn't directed at you, remain quiet.”

He exchanged a helpless look with Darnelle, shrugging his shoulders slightly in apology.

She stepped forward. Well, at least he'd tried. “Azrielle is my little sister, but K.C. and I are friends because Sympathetic Smile's bassist Hector introduced us. I designed their logo and maintained their website for two years until they signed with a management company.”

K.C. silently cheered, grateful that she'd omitted their first meeting and any details about their relationship.

“What do you do for a living now?” his mother questioned, her tone even.

“I'm a mechanic at a local garage,” she replied simply, not divulging too much information.

“What kind of a job is that for a woman?” his mother scowled.

“The kind that pays well for a hard day's work and the kind that I'm very good at.”

Her husband rolled his eyes. “For God's sake, you're not interviewing her. Ask the important questions. Were you the woman that Melanie saw pick up Kyungsoo last night?”

She nodded slowly.

“No effing way,” Jayson whistled. “You guys don't really believe K.C. cheated on Mel, do you? I mean, you have to remember how much convincing it took for him to agree to the date in the first place. The older brother I know wouldn't have the balls to even compliment such a pretty girl so this whole crisis meeting is absurd,” he hopped down off the counter and started to walk away but thought of something else. “And if by some miracle of science he pulled it off, no offense Melanie, but she's an obvious trade up.”

Melanie's jaw dropped. “You're kidding, right?”

“Shut your mouth Jayson,” his father warned. “You'd hate for this to become about you, wouldn't you?”

The eighteen-year-old folded his arms across his chest in defiance while simultaneously closing his mouth in obedience.

“So what was it that you needed to see my son for that warranted him leaving behind his girlfriend in such a rush and staying out the whole night?” he glared at the boys that obviously wanted to interrupt. “Really, this is the issue we all need settled so we can move on.”

“I needed his help with a neighbor of mine,” she answered simply.

“What kind of help?” his mother broke in. “Was your neighbor moving at one a. m.? Was there flood damage? Did your neighbor collapse?”

Darnelle avoided rolling her eyes. She got the feeling that would be frowned upon in this setting. “Last night my son kept himself up into the early morning crying and refused to sleep. Gerald, my neighbor threatened to kill both me and my son to keep us quiet.”

“I'm sorry,” his mother interjected. “I thought my son worked as a singer, not a police officer.”

“My intention was to avoid going to jail last night.”

“If your neighbor was the one assaulting and threatening you like you said, then you'd have nothing to worry about.”

Her eyes darkened. “I don't have a good relationship with the local police,” she stated bluntly.

“Then what about your other friends?” Ariana spoke up slowly. “You know most of the other members of Sympathetic Smile, don't you?”

“I know them well enough to know they'd have been drinking, and even if they were sober, they're just as hotheaded as me. I needed someone to come over that would be able to diffuse the situation, and K.C.'s the only person I trust to do something like that. My friends have always encouraged me to act out against people that threaten me, and well, you know him. He hates fighting so much that I know he'd go to any length necessary to make sure we both got out of our disagreement unscathed.”

“The only one you trust?” Melanie's face was tear-streaked but for right now crying was the furthest thing from her mind. “Get real. I've got a lot of male friends, but the only one I would trust in a situation like that is my boyfriend,” acid dripped from her words. “A pretty girl like you, flaws or not is bound to have one.”

“Not currently.”

“What about the baby's father then? If it concerned the safety of his own child, then shouldn't he have been the one you called instead of K.C.?”

Darnelle's gaze flitted briefly to her ex-boyfriend. “He's currently unavailable.”

“Is he in jail?” Melanie continued to assail the older woman with harsh questions, determined to make the her confess what her relationship with K.C. really was.

“I don't see how that's any of your business,” she dismissed the girl coolly, perhaps seeking to cut her off before she could bring up anything particularly damaging. She turned to his parents. “You wanted to know what he was doing with me and I answered. We didn't want to risk Gerald charging in the house if my baby woke up so that's why he didn't leave until after he went for work. I'm sorry if I caused you to worry for your son on my account. He was only being a good friend.”

“That only leaves one issue,” his father replied thoughtfully, turning judgmental eyes on his son. “If you went to her home for completely innocent reasons, then why did you lie to us? Why didn't you want us to know what you did last night?”

K.C. sighed. “Because I knew you guys would do something like this. I knew you'd misinterpret this if you met her. Are we done here? Darnelle has to go to work and take her kid to daycare.”

“What's there to misinterpret Kyungsoo?” Melanie leaned towards him, her eyes never leaving his. “Darnelle's story sounds very straight-forward. You're just a friend of hers, aren't you?” she pushed her chair back from the table and stood. “Or is there more to the story that you're afraid we'll find out?”

“There's nothing else,” he stated with a firm nod of his head.

“Seriously just let it go Mel,” Jayson groaned. “I've got homework to do and video games to play. I don't want to waste my whole morning on entertaining your jealous paranoia. I mean, a family conference would only be necessary if he's been having an affair with Darnelle the entire time he was with Sympathetic Smile and her son is really his.”

The entire room froze and K.C. suddenly found the floor tiles the most interesting thing in the room.

“Oh God Kyungsoo,” Melanie sounded as if she were only seconds away from bursting into tears again. “Don't tell me it really is true?”

“What really is true?” Jayson glanced back and forth between the young mother, Melanie and his still brother. “You guys can't be seriously considering this. Kyungsoo cried the whole time he was talking to you guys about about joining a band and he was throwing up for a week after. There's no way he'd be able to date someone you guys obviously wouldn't approve of AND have a kid without him breaking down and crying like a baby. Me, sure, and Ariana can even lie to you two like a pro-”

“Kyungjae!”

He ignored his sister's outburst. “I'm just saying that we should be realistic. The brother I've known for eighteen years isn't capable of something like this.”

K.C. clenched his fist at his side, somehow frustrated that he was looked down on so easily by his younger siblings. “I-I can!” he blurted without thinking, and then slowly collected himself before continuing. “I-I am I mean. I'm not some chump that always bows his head to his parents. I'm a man too, and I ought to have been honest a long time ago. D-Darnelle and I, we u-used to date, until t-two months ago. We st-stopped because things changed with Mel.”

“Oh Kyungsoo,” his mother looked like she couldn't decide whether to faint or beat her son into submission. “I did not just hear that from you.”

“What's wrong with it?” he questioned. “She's a great woman, and an excellent mother to our son.”

“Stop saying that!” his mother shrieked, covering her ears with her hands.

“Stop saying what?” he repeated. “Are you afraid of the truth?” he walked towards Darnelle and plucked the sleeping toddler from his mother's arms. “You know best what I looked like as a kid. There's no way you can look at him and say he doesn't look like me.”

His mother buried her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking with sobs.

Jayson didn't know what to do or say. Judging by the other faces in the room, including Darnelle's, everyone else was equally as shocked by his brother's confession as he was. It just couldn't be true.

Knowing that all eyes were on him, K.C. opened his mouth, the things he'd longed to say spilling from his lips. “Because I was so afraid of what you guys would think I was unfair to Darnelle. I've met her friends, her sister and brothers and her Mom, but I never even let her meet one of my friends. I was so worried that you guys would force me to stop seeing her that I just ended up completely closing her out of my life anyway.”

“Jayson,” their father began.

He answered cautiously, feeling the spark of an undesirable confrontation in the air. “Yes sir?”

“Take Melanie home. For now Mel, we're going to talk things out as a family with our son and,” he cleared his throat. “His friend. We'll get back to you by tomorrow evening, so please don't talk to your father until then.”

“Wait a second!” Jayson protested. “Why do I have to go? What about Ariana?”

Mr. Choi glanced briefly over at his still sobbing wife and the shell-shocked daughter of his boss' friend. “You've done enough damage Jayson. I prefer for you to not be able to make any more helpful comments.”

“Fine,” he sighed in disappointment. “Let's go Mel,” he helped her out of the room.

Sensing that she would be the next one to be kicked out, Ariana stepped up to her brother. “You mind if I take him upstairs? It'll be more comfortable for him to sleep on a bed.”

K.C. allowed his sister to take his son from his arms and she quickly exited the room, wanting to avoid getting caught in the crossfire.

“Please, sit,” the pleasant tone of his father's voice almost made it sound like an offer.

K.C. pulled out a chair opposite his parents for Darnelle, gulping back a ball of bile as he sat. “Um-”

“Not now Kyungsoo,” his father stared directly at the young woman. “I'd like to hear more from the young lady.”

Darnelle's tone was even, not a single word wasted. “What would you like to know?”

“For starters, how old are you?”

“I'm twenty-five.”

His mother hiccuped. “Of course. You're taking advantage of his fame, why wouldn't you abuse his naivete too?”

Darnelle clenched her fists in the material of her pants under the table, concentrating on moderating her breathing.

His father moved on to the next question. “What do your parents do for a living?”

“I'm not close to my parents. If you ever run into them in town, you can ask them yourself,” she retorted, angered that they would try to define her based on who her parents were, just like everyone else.

“Calm down,” K.C. whispered, stroking her arm imperceptibly. “You don't want to upset them.”

“You've got quite the attitude,” his mother commented. “I'm surprised you can stand under the weight of that chip on your shoulder.”

“I don't know,” she tapped her nails on the table in an effort to distract herself from the boiling over of her temper. “I think I'm well within my rights to have an attitude. You haven't treated me like a friend of Kyungsoo's ever since I walked in here. Or is this the hospitality you show your children's friends?” she laughed. “No wonder he doesn't want any of us to come here.”

The woman seemed shocked to be addressed so rudely. “This is all because you wanted to join that band. I wish we'd forbidden you from doing it if it meant that you'd bring women like this home and lie to us for years about it.”

Her upper lip curled. “Women like what?”

To her surprise, her reply was drowned out by K.C.'s outburst. “Joining Sympathetic Smile is the second best thing I've done with my life! Honestly, what was I before that? Some chump kid that was in his first year in college who would've ended up studying Business Administration and hating it. I would've become the man you wanted to be instead of the man I want to become. Even if we never hit it big, even if we just fizzle and disappear, the almost five years I've spent with them have been the one part of my life I know I'll look back on and never regret. What's really upsetting you is that I'm not the obedient son you thought I was, and I'm truly sorry I deceived both of you. There wasn't a moment that Darnelle and I were together that I didn't feel guilty. I wasn't able to really be happy, because I knew that deep down if I came clean with you, that you wouldn't support me because of the color of her skin.”

“Then what's the best thing?” his mother's voice was small. She was still surprised at being yelled at by her normally soft-spoken son.

“Pardon?”

“You said Sympathetic Smile was the second best thing you've done with your life.”

“Oh,” he thought for a moment before raising his head and staring confidently at his parents. “Having Kedar with Darnelle. I know because of my schedule and because we aren't together I'm not able to see every part of his childhood, but just watching him grow up has been so fulfilling.”

“Are you done?” his father leaned forward, interlocking his fingers in a praying motion. “Do you really believe we're going to just let you waltz in here, ply us with pretty words about your grand intentions and then forgive you for playing us for fools? Do you have any idea what's going to happen to your mother and me when Melanie tells her father that you're almost exactly the same scum as every other musician out there?”

“I-”

His father punched the table, startling K.C. “I bet you haven't even considered the position this family is in now at all.”

“I have,” he protested. “I've thought about it.”

“Really?” his father scoffed, leaning back in his chair. “Then by all means, educate us.”

“I know it's going to be hard for you, and I know you're tired of bowing your head and taking the blame at work, and that you put a lot of trust in me with Melanie, but I just can't keep pretending. I can't force myself to like her. What am I supposed to do if I love someone else? If things continue the way you wanted them to, I would've married Mel and had kids with her all the while wishing I was with another woman. I don't know about you, but I could never do something like that.”

His mother flinched and before she could reply, her husband shot a withering glare at her, warning her not to respond.

“As a man, what are you willing to do to take responsibility?”

He sighed. “I'll go to Melanie's house this evening and apologize to her and her parents, and then I'll formally end things with her. If-If I have to, I'll pack up my stuff and move out this afternoon.”

His father snorted. “Well at least you know what the right order of things is.”

“Are you really going to force him to leave?” his wife didn't seem to want that to be the end result.

“What else can I do?” he questioned. “Kyungsoo won't leave the band, and even I'm not enough of an asshole to forcibly separate him from his son. If he's going to make decisions like a man he's going to have to live with the consequences. We can't allow him to set a poor example for his brother and sister. You heard Jayson earlier. We've already lost Kyungsoo, but if we act quickly, we can still salvage Kyungjae.”

“Can I say something?” Darnelle piped up for the first time since being ignored by the three of them.

Mr. Choi looked like he wanted to just toss the woman from his home and cleanse it of her presence, but he thought better of it and waved his hand dismissively. “Go ahead. It's not like you can lower my opinion of you any further.”

“In my life, I've lost a lot because of things I have no control over. The way I was born guaranteed that I lost my family in everything but name by age six. I grew up with everyone tiptoeing around me afraid that I'd snap until eventually I decided to give them what they wanted. I was lucky enough to find a group of friends that stuck by me, but I still grew up an angry, hateful person. And you're probably right, if you're acting out of any desire to protect your son. But Kyungsoo and Kedar are the two best people to ever walk into my life, and even if you hate me, whether because of something as superficial as my skin color or because I genuinely rub you the wrong way, I'm always going to be grateful to you. Even if he didn't turn out exactly the way you wanted, the two of you raised a fantastic son. He is a good man, and if you don't want him anymore, I'll be thrilled to take him off your hands,” she stood to her feet and walked out of the kitchen.

K.C. climbed to his feet at a much slower pace, awed by everything she'd said. “I'll get my things.”

~~~

A few months later...

K.C. walked towards the front of the stage, leaning against the mic stand as he looked out over the crowd. He still couldn't believe that they were about three-fourths of the way through their set in their first ever concert. It was a local tour with only four stops, but he was still overwhelmed by the realization that the dreams Sympathetic Smile had created together were starting to become true. The first time he'd heard their songs played on a nationwide radio program had convinced him that he was living in some sort of otherworldly waking dream. Even now, looking over the crowd that was thoroughly rocking out and enjoying their set he could barely believe he was standing where he was now, especially with all of his family drama. He glanced up at row I, seat 23, ready to move on to more important matters. “So, are you guys enjoying the show?”

A loud affirmative roar flooded the mic he pointed towards the crowd.

He sighed in loud relief, causing a ripple of laughter to spread. “Oh thank God. This is uh, my first time d-doing s-something like this. You c-can't tell, can you?” he ran his hand nervously through his hair, glad to hear the slight snickers he got. “Well, the band's going to take a pee break, and since I don't, and I quote actually play an instrument, I get to keep you guys distracted til they're finished. Yeah, I know they're a swell bunch of guys.”

“And girl!” a male voice shouted from the balcony.

“Thanks, and girl,” he replied. “While we're at it, let's give the guys a hand. They're all much more talented than I am. They'll be able to h-hear you from backstage. Hector, our leader who really, without him and his tireless marketing, you probably never have heard of us, let alone come to this show tonight. He's an amazing bassist and we're lucky to have him. Simon,” he laughed to himself as he adjusted the cord of the mic so he wouldn't trip as he walked across the front of the stage. “He's a grade A dickbag, but he's composed the majority of the hit songs you guys love, so I won't talk too much shit about him, and he's gotten a lot better at playing live. No mistakes tonight, right guys?”

The crowd cheered.

“Andre, man, if you hadn't befriended me in outside of detention back in tenth grade, I don't know what you guys would do for a vocalist,” he laughed. “Yeah, I do. You probably would've just let Azrielle take lead, but then what would you do for a drummer? Everyone knows drummers can't be the lead vocalist, but I must admit, she's much much prettier than I am,” he smiled sexily, causing some of the women in the front row to swoon. “But really, this speech is because as a group, we want you guys to become aware of the most important person to Sympathetic Smile. Sorry René, you're our favorite manager, but it ain't you. If the five of us had never met this person, we would've never decided to pursue music, never decided to make it together, to share our voices and our vision of the world with you,” he paused. “But more importantly than all of that-” he trailed off, taking the conversation in a different direction. “First I should apologize. Even though the band has been doing unbelievable things the past few months, my head has not been in the game. I've had some shit going on with my family, because of the decisions I've made, the least of which being fronting this awesome band in the first place, and well, long story short, I ended up moving out.”

The girls in the crowd awwed, prompting another swoon worthy smile from him.

“Don't feel bad for me. Twenty-two is a pretty good age to move out, I think, don't you?”

Another sprinkling of laughter accompanied his self-deprecating joke.

“As I was saying though, more vital than our inspiration, this woman, is really,” he shook his head. “I don't even think I can find the words. She's just the best, and we're really grateful to her-” he corrected himself. “I'm more than grateful to her for everything she's done for me, for taking me in when I was just some idiot kid and loving me despite all of her friends making fun of her for catching Yellow Fever. We've been through a lot together, and I thought that I should introduce her to you,” he motioned to someone upstairs and one of the spotlights pulled away from him, highlighting seat I-23. “I'm sorry we couldn't get you a better seat, but this whole idea was kind of last minute.”

The crowd turned to try and catch a glimpse of who he was talking about, all of the extra attention on her causing her to roll her eyes in annoyance. She knew he wanted her to walk up towards the stage, but she really was not in the mood. She'd only come to the show to support her fiance and their friends, but she should've expected them to talk him into something like this. She grudgingly took the first steps forward, surprised by the applause that erupted. When she got up near the stage, the security guards unlocked the gate, allowing her access to the steps. K.C. bent downwards and extended his hand to help her up.

“I'm going to kill you after this,” she muttered, unaware that it got picked up by his mic.

“Everyone, this is my girlfriend Darnelle Curtis, if things go my way, soon to be Darnelle Choi. Sorry ladies, but if it makes you feel better everyone else is still fair game, and much better lookin' too,” he grinned at his glowering fiancee, pure affection shining in his eyes. “Since the rest of my life is going to be quite short, there's really just one thing I wanted to do.”

A familiar drum beat kicked in, the spotlight showing that Sympathetic Smile had rejoined him on stage.
He took a step back, extending their interlinked hands between them as far as they could go. He took a deep breath. “Every where I go, Darnelle I'm always hearing your name. And no matter where I'm at, girl, you make me wanna sang,” he counted on his free hand. “Whether on a bus or a plane or a car or a train, there's no other girls on my brain, and baby, you the one to blame,” he pulled her into a tight embrace, cementing it with a blistering kiss on the lips. When he broke away from his stunned woman, he raised the mic between them. “Even if you're going to kill me tonight, I want the whole world to know, that I love you, and nobody, NOBODY else will do.”

As he stood there on Sympathetic Smile's first solo concert stage, looking down on the crowd of cheering fans, with the most beautiful woman he ever met and the mother of his son squeezing his hand tightly, pride swelling up in his heart, he knew one thing. Even if he never had another moment like this in his entire life, every struggle was worth this.

The End...

Like always, all fiction, whether posted under the moniker yuji_i16, Dame Dr. Foxy Brown or my real name are all copywritten by me.

No Genres, Just One Music: How Did We Get?

2011-03-26T04:07:00.001-04:00

So the first story up to bat is called "How Did We Get?" It's inspired by a duet between Lee Hyori and Kang Daesung of Big Bang. I loved this song as it was a departure from her usual song and it featured one of my favorite voices in Kpop, but it was not to be as the song was revealed to be plagiarized. Still a great song.

How Did We Get?

“Try it. What's your favorite fairytale?”

Reina answered without a thought. “Sleeping Beauty.”

Her friend wrinkled her nose in disapproval. “You? Really? You actually dig the whole victim of fate, rescued from a coma by Prince Charming's true love's first kiss schtick?”

Reina rolled her eyes. “Go ahead.”

“Go ahead what?”

She shrugged. “Ruin Sleeping Beauty for me Angela. Ruin it like you've ruined everything else I've ever held sacred my entire life.”

“Quit being such a drama whore,” Angela scowled. “I'm not going to ruin anything. I'm just shocked and amazed that Miss Super Feminist would like anything that so blatantly teaches young girls that all of their problems will be solved by a strong, cool, mysterious man that they've never met but is willing to fight the evil witches in their lives just for them.”

“I'm not a Super Feminist,” Reina protested. “I'm just a little more outspoken than most about my beliefs, that's all.”

“Uh-huh,” Angela glared at her.

“It's the truth!”

Angela passed out a flyer. “Well silly beliefs aside,” she ignored Reina's bristling at the word silly. “Prince Charming is a ridiculous ideal. Though, if you really have that image it's no wonder you've never managed a successful relationship.”

“I only came here to help my best friend out in a pinch,” she thrust three flyers into the unsuspecting arms of a male passerby and then shot him a withering glare when he attempted to protest. He thought better of it and slunk away. “I didn't come here to be lectured by someone that's so miserable in her home life that she attempted to have her own husband killed.”

Angela cleared her throat and laughed dryly. “You know there were extenuating circumstances. Besides, I spent the required time in a Psych Hospital and now I'm almost done with my community service. I'm on the road to recovery.”

“I notice you didn't say you were happy.”

Angela shrugged. “What can I say? Prenups are a bitch.”

“Yeah I'm absolutely in a hurry to dream my way into a loveless, goldigging marriage.”

“Are you done?”

“No.”

“Too bad,” Angela cut her off. “But this is supposed to be about you and how you deny yourself happiness.”

“Ah yes, because I'm the only single woman left on Earth.”

“Don't even cop that attitude with me Reina. I'm not your mother.”

Reina sighed in defeat. “Can't we just go back to talking about Sleeping Beauty?”

“What?” the other woman raised a confused eyebrow before suddenly recalling their previous line of conversation. “It's just, I never figured you for a Prince Charming sort of girl,” she passed out the last of her flyers and then dropped into an exhausted squat on the sidewalk. “I mean, if you think about it, he is sort of a dick.”

Now she was certain Angela had gone off the deep end.

“How?”

“Are you seriously asking me that? Think about it with your brain,” she pointed at her head. “One hundred years had passed since she was struck by the curse, and of course the kingdom also. Some perfect stranger waltzes on up, slays a dragon in the movie, wakes her up with love's first kiss. And seriously, don't get me started on that bullshit. How could it be love's first kiss if they've never even met. I mean, the guy's grandfather probably wasn't even born when she fell victim to the curse. Anyway, point is, after he breaks the spell, all of a sudden she has to marry him.”

“He risked his life. I mean, besides the dragon, the kingdom was covered in giant thorns.”

“And he deserves a thank you, I agree. Perhaps even an expensive gift from the treasury for his trouble.”

“He saved her and the whole kingdom.”

“You're missing my point. That just proves that he and the whole kingdom just viewed Princess Aurora as property to be traded in exchange for a job well done.”

“I'm sure he would've treated her well.”

Angela rolled her eyes in annoyance. “Oh come on Reina, this is exactly the sort of thing that normally gets you up in arms and boring me with a lecture I didn't even ask for.”

She shrugged, not seeing the need to get all worked up. “It's just a story.”

“A story that millions of little girls have had read to them before bed or watched on DVD. Don't you think it's in direct opposition to your beliefs?”

“Meh, I don't see it.”

A dangerous twinkle shone in Angela's eyes. “I think I've figured this out.”

“No,” she handed out her last flyer and picked up her backpack, ready to run out of there if she had to. Angela was fun to hang with, and under normal circumstances an excellent friend, but when she began to obsess she was more than a little psychotic. “You haven't.”

“This Prince Charming Affliction explains why you're still carrying a torch for Prince Asshole.”

“It does not!” Reina insisted, blushing. “And I am not!”

“Girl, a neon sign would be less obvious than you.”

“Doesn't matter,” she looked away. “He got married.”

“Oh baby girl, you haven't heard? The smug bastard wised up to her gold digging ways and divorced her last year. She only got pennies in the settlement.”

“It doesn't change the fact that they had a kid together. I don't want to be some poor girl's evil stepmother.”

Angela shot Reina a dirty look. Something more insidious than her downplaying her attraction to her former friend was at work. “Don't you dare sell yourself short. You'd be a truly malevolent stepmother, worthy of many horrifying tales being spun about you by the most talented of scribes.”

She ignored her friend's leap into the deep end. “Anyway,” she rolled her eyes. “I'm terrible with kids.”

“Hmm,” Angela hopped up to her feet. “Didn't you tutor the jerk starting from when he was in sixth grade?”

“That doesn't count!” she whined. “I was a kid then too.”

“Aha!” she snapped her fingers, looking proud of herself. “So I was right!”

Reina's blood ran cold. She'd been friends with Angela long enough to know that she only ever got that expression when she was up to something. “What did you do?”

“Only my job as the greatest best friend ever,” she reached into her wallet and pulled out a business card, handing it off with a flourish. “I got you that side job you've been complaining lately about needing.”

Her heart dropped, then soared, thudding in her ears. “This is Colin's company.”

“Oh is it?” she asked innocently, not fooling the other woman in the least. “Anyway, his secretary was looking for a music tutor for his kid. I forwarded her your resume and she was over the moon that someone with your qualifications would apply. Congratulations,” she clapped enthusiastically. “You got the job.”

“I hate you.”

“Sure you do,” Angela checked her watch. “Your first session starts in forty minutes.”

“You're the worst best friend on Earth.”

“Maybe,” she shrugged. “But when it comes to your own personal fairytale I'm also the half-assed plot contrivance that allows the fated lovers to meet again for the first time in years.”

Reina narrowed her eyes at her, brown obs doing their best to murder her with telepathy. “You're an ass. And I'm not going.”

“Hey,” she shrugged. It's your life to ruin. I've already done my best,” she turned her back and rummaged in her bag.

“Good,” Reina sneered at her friends back. “I'm glad we could finally come to that agreement.”

Angela turned and handed her a cellphone that was currently dialing Colin McCartney. Just go ahead and turn down the job.”

Reina paled. “What? No way. I can't just talk to him, not out of the blue like this.”

“Then what are you going to do?”

“Hello, Colin McCartney speaking.”

It had been seven years since she'd last seen him and five years since he last crossed her mind and just a few words in that typical arrogant tone of his was enough to make her feel like a stupid little girl again.

“Hello?” he repeated.

Reina jerked forward, hanging up the phone. She allowed the cellphone to slip from her fingers, stumbling off numbly.

Angela scrambled to save her precious mobile before the pavement could greet it. “Where are you going?” She shouted, phone nestled safely in her hands.

“I hate you!” she screamed back over her shoulder.

“Good luck!” Angela waved cheerfully. “May you find both eternal love and eternal happiness.”

Reina flipped her off with both hands.

~~~

From the scowl on the secretary's face Reina knew as soon as the door was open she hadn't made a good first impression, not that it surprised her in any way. She'd caught two buses home from downtown, changed quickly and then lugged her cello and violin four blocks til she saw a bus headed in the right direction. With the sweltering heat outside and already suffering from handing out flyers all morning she was too tired to notice how close her bus was drawing to her destination. By the time she realized that the bus was passing her corner she was already ten minutes late. She'd run the rest of the way to the familiar home, sweating and flushed, her hair frizzing out of her braids. She probably looked like hell. “I'm late, I know, I'm sorry.”

The secretary flipped her hair arrogantly, clucking her teeth in annoyance. “Well as long as you're sorry,” she checked the time on her Blackberry. “Anyway, I understand that your manager took quite some time in relaying the message to you, so your tardiness is excused for today. Please refrain from repeating this behavior in the future.”

“Understood.”

“This way,” Reina didn't bother pointing out that she knew exactly where the music room. “Miss Jaye has been eagerly anticipating your arrival all morning.”

She entered the music room, unable to fathom how much it had changed in the past ten years since she'd last set foot in here. Back when she'd first been hired as Colin's tutor the room had yet to be fully converted from his father's former study, and the only instrument in the room was an old baby grand piano, four stacks of instructional manuals stacked on top of it. Now, the room was practically a shrine to music and a silly smile spread across her face at the proof that the many exhausting hours spent teaching a stubborn boy two years her senior had managed to nurture a love of the art. Most of the instruments were encased in glass, finely crafted works of art clearly worth thousands, if not millions of dollars. Still enraptured and only barely managing to restrain herself from pressing against the glass and drooling over what had to be a legitimate Davidoff, she rested her modest cello bag down on the ground, propping it up against the side of the piano.

Her eyes lit up as she opened the lid of the stalwart instrument, agile fingers tracing the nostalgic keys. Absentmindedly she began playing the half finished composition that was due in two days. For a brief moment the nervousness at being in the McCartney home for the first time in a decade fled and was replaced by the anxiety of composing her first ever rap song. Sighing to herself, she stilled her fingers and restarted, not content with the introductory bars.

“What are you doing?” A condescending child's voice interrupted her process.

Horrified at being caught, she slammed the piano shut and leapt away from it, making an effort to straighten her clothes.

The girl eyed her suspiciously. “Who are you?”

Reina's heartbeat slowly decided to stop deafening her and she blinked, refocusing herself. “I'm sorry,” she approached the girl. “I take it you're my student, Jaye.”

The girl said nothing in reply, just continued in her haughty evaluation of the woman standing before her.

There was no denying to herself that Jaye was Colin's daughter. She was a few shades lighter than her father, but they had the same high cheekbones, the same dismissive glare and the exact same arrogant nose.

“Well, my name is Reina Acosta. I'm going to be your music tutor,” she extended her hand.

Jaye ignored it, her glare intensifying at the mention of Reina's last name. “You're not from this country, are you?”

She'd definitely been here before. “I was born here, and so was my mother, but if you're asking if my father was, no. He's Dominican.”

Jaye's upper lip curled, definitely a bad sign.

A subject change was in order. “So Miss McCartney, which instrument would you prefer to learn first?”

“First?”

“Yeah,” Reina coolly unpacked her violin. “I can pretty much play everything in here.”

The girl didn't react to her subtle bragging other than to fold her arms across her chest. “What song were you playing on the piano? I don't recognize it.”

“You like hip-hop?” Knowing Colin, that didn't seem like something he'd want his kid exposed to. She recalled overhearing quite a few arguments he had with friends disparaging hip-hop as a valuable musical genre to society.

She scowled. “Everyone in my class at school does.”

“Oh?” she tried not to be excited at the easy opening to find out more about her student. “What grade are you in now?”

“Fifth,” Jaye glowered at her. “I'm nine, but I'm not dumb. You don't look like a musician.”

Reina fought the urge to shout back 'I am too a musician!' choosing instead to humor the girl. “And what do I look like?”

“I don't know,” she squinted. “Unemployed, I suppose.”

This conversation was starting to sound almost word for word like the first one she had with her original student. She sat down on the stool next to the piano. “All of the jobs I've ever held have been in the music industry. My first was when I was about your age. I worked as a tutor for the son of a very rich couple. After that I toured in a few orchestras before I left to attend high school and college like a normal kid. Have you had lessons before?”

“A few,” she replied. “Not for any extended period of time though. My previous tutors were unable to deal with instructing a child with my advanced knowledge.”

Or your ego. “So you're a virtuoso then? That's pretty amazing,” she spun around in circles on the stool, kicking out her legs like a child. “I met some of those when I was touring. They had pretty hard lives you know. Nobody ever recognized them for their genius, they were unable to deal with failure and they all grew up to be bitter adults. You've got to have a pretty strong head on your shoulders to realize that talent isn't everything.”

“How long did it take you to realize that?”

Reina stopped spinning abruptly at that question, starring intensely at what had to have been at least four copies of the child. They glared at each other silently for a few moments before Reina broke out into a wide smile. “I haven't. When it comes to music, I'm still a dreamer.”

“Well it's good to see that some people are too immature to change.”

That voice snapped Reina's eyes away from her brooding student and onto the doorway. Standing there, leaning casually against the frame of the door, his hair trimmed short, a goatee on the face she remembered couldn't grow facial hair despite much praying and treatment and wearing an expensive silk suit, his tie gently loosened was Colin Elliot McCartney. Well, there was no way she was going to be starstruck in his presence.

“Is there some way I can help you sir?” she offered, trying her best to look like she had no idea who he was.

He didn't buy it. “Don't even try it Reina. We both know the reason you took this job.”

Jaye watched, subtle confusion stealing over her face as her father observed the woman with a weird glint in his eyes.

“Well it wasn't to be harassed by weird strangers that don't even bother to introduce themselves, so I guess I'm at a loss. Now if you'd excuse me, I was hired to tutor this young lady, not to subject myself to your unwelcome advances.”

Colin stood there in stunned silence as she pushed him out of the room and shut the door in his face.

When Reina turned around Jaye was staring at her wide eyed in shock and just a little bit of fear. “I can't believe you just slammed the door in Daddy's face,” she whispered.

“Oh?” she did her best to sound surprised. “Was that your father?”

“Aren't you going to apologize?”

She shrugged. “Not unless he apologizes first.”

The door swung open. “Why are you acting like a child?”

“Mr. McCartney, I'm afraid I will not be able to tutor Miss Jaye in this session if you continue to interrupt. I'd hate to have to charge you for my time despite her not being able to learn anything of value.”

He stormed over to her, and grabbed her by the wrist. “You're going to come with me.”

She pulled against him, but of course, she was unable to prevent him from hauling her out of the room. NO! The last thing she wanted was to have to speak to him.

“Let go of my arm!” Reina demanded, jerking her body in an effort to find enough leverage to free herself. Of course the struggling only made his grip harder and she was convinced her arm would be purple in the morning.

Colin flung her down onto a couch in the nearby sitting room, standing over her with his arms folded. “Talk to me.”

“Ow.” She rubbed in anguish at her arm. “About what? I needed a job and my friend Angela hooked me up with this. There's nothing else to this.”

“I know how you feel about me, Reina,” he glared at her. “You could've turned this down, but yet you're here, trying to pretend like you didn't want to see me.”

“Don't be so self-important Colin,” she scowled. “Me being here has nothing to do with you.”

“So the timing was just pure coincidence when you ran out of my life right after Selina got pregnant?”

“Why would you have still needed a music tutor when you clearly were a grown man that was no longer in need of me?” she retorted. “I figured I should do what I actually needed to for myself instead of waiting for you to notice me.”

He rolled his eyes, snorting slightly to himself. “Good God Reina, you've always been so blind.”

“I'm not!” she protested. “You were always fooling around with other women, bringing them to our sessions and groping them in front of me. What I was supposed to think?”

“Maybe that I was using them as an outlet for my frustrations because someone wouldn't put out or even notice me at all. Or that I was trying to make you jealous. I don't know Reina, I was still a kid! You were supposed to keep your promise but you didn't pay any attention to me at all. What was I supposed to do?”

“That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard,” she replied. “And what stupid promise?”

“You told me that you were going to marry me and make my life miserable.”

“I was thirteen Colin! You were being an annoying piece of shit!”

“When Selina got pregnant, you had to have known I wanted nothing to do with her,” he protested. Seeing he was getting nowhere with her, he sighed and rephrased his earlier question. “Why did you run?”

She gave in. “I was twenty and the man I refused to admit I was in love with had just been told that he was going to be a father and not by me. Why do you think I ran?”

He snorted in disbelief. “Some friend you were. Did you ever consider that I needed to talk to you? You were my only real friend back then and my whole world had just been flipped upside down.”

“I was just a kid Colin! And on top of that I was in love with you! It's not like you even considered my feelings or you wouldn't have fucked around with her in the first place.”

“If you'd have been there I could've married you instead of that gold-digging harpy. Every day of that eight years was miserable Reina.”

“You know I hate kids Colin. You should know that better than anyone. Besides, miserable or not, that's eight years Jaye spent living with her mother and father. I'm sure she cherishes that time, even if you don't. So don't be so quick to dismiss it as worthless.”

He rolled his eyes. “I don't see how anyone could like that house. Selina and I barely spoke and she had nothing to do with Jaye. If I hadn't stepped in, she would've been raised by her grandparents. Whatever,” he leaned back in his chair and exhaled. “It's probably better that she didn't know her parents hated each other.”

A third, squeakier voice entered that conversation. “Is that true Father?”

His face drained of color and he cleared his throat, trying to figure out a way out of this conversation. “Haven't I told you a million times not to eavesdrop on adult conversations?”

“I asked you a question,” the girl's cold, firm voice sounded like it came from someone ten years her senior.

“I'm your father,” he reminded her, matching her stern tone. “I won't tolerate you speaking to me with that disrespectful tone.”

“Forgive me, how should I address someone that's hitting on some common woman by lying and saying he never loved my mother? Would you prefer it if I called you scum?”

Colin jumped to his feet and Jaye fled upstairs before he could even raise his hand to slap her. Before he could pursue her Reina tugged on his sleeve, stopping him in his tracks.

“Before you go charging up there to pound her skull in, think for a second. Whether you were lying or not, your nine-year-old just heard you tell some stranger that's supposed to be her teacher that you hated her mother. Nine or nineteen, that's going to be really hard to digest,” she swallowed deeply. “I can't help but feel sorry for her Colin, so...go easy okay.”

He plucked her fingers off of his arm and stared her down firmly. There was so much he still wanted to say to her, and he didn't want to lose this opportunity but he knew that his first responsibility was to his daughter. “I'm going to go talk to Jaye. Don't go anywhere.”

“I'm not,” she replied simply. She had a lot she still had to say to him after all.

The man raced up the stairs and picked out his daughter's bedroom, turning the handle only to be stopped in his tracks. Locked.

His secretary walked down the hallway towards him. “Miss Jaye seemed like she was in quite a panic. What did you do to her this time?”

He glared at her. “Are you confident that you can find another job easily in this economy?”

She stared at him in shock.

“I didn't think so. I'd choose my words wisely if I were you Ericka.” When she backed away he knocked on the door. “Open up Jaye, you and I both know that I can replace all the doors in this house without it even making my accountant blink.”

“Go away!” she shouted.

“Jaye,” he leaned against the door, trying the handle again even though he hadn't heard anything from the other side. “You don't understand. Reina is an old friend, and I-”

“I'm not stupid Father,” she cut him off. “I know you're a sucker for pretty women. That's how you ended up with Mother in the first place.”

Sometimes this girl really was too much. “I know the way it seems Jaye, but it really isn't like that with me and Reina.”

“Were you the boy she used to tutor?”

He wasn't expecting that question. “Yeah, when I was ten, my parents surprised me by hiring a girl your age to teach me music. I was furious you know,” he leaned his back against the door. “All of the girls in my class were stupid, and this one was even younger. I thought, what the hell could she possibly teach me, and I made every thing about our first meeting difficult. I showed up late and I made sure the music room was locked from the inside and snuck out the window so none of us could get in. My Dad didn't manage to take the door apart until almost two hours after our session was supposed to start, and once we get in I tossed all of the music books out the window. I thought she was going to cry, but to my surprise she just sat down at the piano and calmly asked me if I'd ever thought that maybe I might enjoy music. And then she started playing, and there was something about the ease, the practiced brilliance that she played with that I'd never seen in a kid, period, that just amazed me. So no, Reina isn't like all of the other women you've seen me with since your Mom and I divorced.”

“Are you serious about her or is this just another game?”

“I don't play games,” he retorted coldly. “Games are for children.”

“I really want a good music teacher Dad,” she said softly. “If she's as good as she claims to be and you drive her away I won't forgive you.”

“I don't plan to,” he pushed away from the door as he heard the mechanism unlock. The door opened slowly to reveal Jaye staring up at him. She rested her hand on his and he met her gaze earnestly. “My plan is to keep Reina around.”

“I know that I don't have the best Mother. I mean, she never even bothers with visitation, so...” she hesitated, grabbing onto her father's pants. “If you really think that Miss Acosta can be better to me than,” her face tightened as she attempted to dissolve all familiarity with the name. “Selina, then I'll forgive you for what you said. Deal?”

He mussed up her hair with his left hand, a warm smile on her face. “You really are a frustrating little monkey sometimes Jaye. Just do Daddy one favor?”

“What's that?” she wiped the errant tear that had broken her strong facade.

“Don't make things easy for Reina,” he grinned. “The little boy in me still wants to finally see her truly flustered.”

She cheered up instantly at the thought of being allowed to mess with the intruding woman. “Sure!”

“I'll talk to you after your lesson, okay,” he cleared his throat. “Just give me, uh, a few minutes to talk to Reina first.”

She nodded and he walked back down the hall, climbing back down the stairs to return to the sitting room he'd left his childhood friend behind at. His enthusiastic stomach fell from his throat to his shoes when he found the couch strangely empty. “Dammit,” he muttered. She'd promised to stay, but she didn't exactly have the best track record of keeping her promises. A yellow piece of paper caught his eye in the seat she had previously occupied. He snatched it up quickly and began reading, despite knowing that he preferred not knowing what her thought process was if she'd just run away again.

“Colin, I know that doing this is just going to make you hate me, but I really can't go through with this. I can't face you with love in my heart knowing that I'd only be standing between you and the person who should be most important in your life. Even if I don't like children, I was a kid once myself and I know I'd have hated it if some woman stole my father away from me. You probably didn't even notice me then, but we met seven years ago, at the food store of all places, and when I saw you with your wife and Jaye back then I knew that my time was gone, and I thought I'd buried those feelings that I used to have, but seeing you now has made things inside all conflicted and crazy. I'm probably not even making sense. My life has changed so much since I left you ten years ago, to think that despite the absence that one thing remains the same is really too much. And worse, knowing that you feel the same, I just can't-”

Colin quickly flipped the paper over, expecting to find more, to find some clue to her state of mind or even where she was going, but the only thing there was some old company memo. He jabbed at the intercom that was supposed to directly patch into his secretary. “Ericka!”

“Yes Mr. McCartney?”

“Has Miss Acosta left the manor yet?”

“No sir.”

Well, he was at least slightly relieved. That meant she had to be somewhere around here. “Thank you,” he muttered before darting into the kitchen to find no one there but his cook, busily preparing snacks, no doubt for the music lesson. He left as abruptly as he'd stormed in, checking the downstairs bathrooms next, then his office and the game room. He even scrambled upstairs to check his father's old office, knowing that she used to run in there to complain to his father when his attitude got to be too much, but it was also empty. He leaned against his father's old desk, wondering if she'd wandered into the garden in an effort to sort out her thoughts before it came to him. It was so painfully obvious that he sheepishly rushed downstairs and flung open the door to the music room, not even caring that he was panting and sweaty.

Reina's eyes flicked away from the piano keys and she reached for a mug, presumably of coffee. She raised an eyebrow. “What?”

He couldn't believe that she was behaving so calmly. “You can't be serious.”

“I'm sure I'd be even more serious if I knew what you were so freaked out about. Is there a fire?”

He shook his head. “I thought you left.”

Now she was just confused. “Why in the world would I do that?”

“This letter,” he shoved the crumpled up piece of paper at her.

“Oh!” she clearly got it now. “If you mean that, I changed my mind.”

“In the middle of writing it?” he questioned, unable to believe that this was the woman that he wanted to be with. She was so spacey sometimes and inconsiderate of other people's feelings.

She nodded. “I wanted to play a song with you all of a sudden, like we used to, and if I left I'd never be able to.”

That was ridiculously simple, and simplistically logical, just like her. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to say no, he joined her on the piano bench. She scooted over to accommodate him and then gently lifted his hands, placing them exactly where she wanted them to rest on the keys. The warmth of her hands coursed through his body, but the true familiarity didn't return to him until she pushed his fingers down, producing the first chord. He knew this song, and immediately moved his hands to the next notes without her coaxing.

“We never did enter this song in the songwriting competition,” she mused.

He nodded. “Because you're terrified of the way everything changes after you fail.”

“What if I'm not now?” They both knew this conversation wasn't about music anymore. She awkwardly laid her head on his shoulder, releasing his hands to let him play the song alone. “What if I'd rather fail and know I'd tried my best than never enter and wonder forever if I was ever any good?”

He intentionally played the wrong chord, turning to face her, his hands abandoning the piano in favor of her face. “You've always been the best composer I know,” he leaned forward and kissed her.

~~~

Angela smirked at her computer screen. “And then they lived happily ever after.”

“I already know how the story ends,” Reina muttered. “You don't have to tell me how I hooked up with Colin.”

“Happily ever after,” she repeated, winking.

“Who are you even talking to? Are you off your meds again?”

“The Internet,” Angela replied matter-of-factly. “They love a good fairy tale.”

Reina facepalmed, a pair of glistening rings visible on her left hand. “That's not how the Internet works at all.”

“And the moral of the story is, the crazy, scheming best friend is always right,” Angela reached up and switched her webcam off.

All original writing is copyrighted by me whether published using my monikers yuji_i16, Dame Dr. Foxy Brown or my real name.

No Genres, Just One Music

2011-03-25T20:22:00.002-04:00

A little over a year ago I started up a writing project for myself. The idea was to write many different short stories inspired by music I had in my iPod. I posted my library online and asked my friends to pick songs. Its purpose was to keep me in practice in terms of writing and to teach myself how to start up a concept and end it quickly without too much fat, also how to create a variety of characters. Fast forward and I've started eleven stories and finished three, none of the completed ones were suggested by friends but I'm getting around to them. Progress is of course slow because I'm sorta ADD when it comes to conceiving of ideas and sticking one through to completion.

The title of the compilation comes from a collaborative song effort between Korean rappers Epik High and Korean Rock Group Nell. The title of that song is Mooje (무제), or Untitled (as in the song has no title) but in the introduction by Epik High's Tablo he says "No Genres, Just One Music" and I thought it was fitting. It also is worth pointing out that I personally love this song.

I'm going to start off posting the three completed stories first and then I'll move on to the works in progress, updating first the fictionpress account and then next this one.

All original writing is copyrighted by me whether published using my monikers yuji_i16, Dame Dr. Foxy Brown or my real name.

I am a Motorcycle, hear me VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOM

2011-03-25T19:24:00.002-04:00

If you've ever listened to The Ass Backwards Anime Podcast, Just A Gintama Podcast, or The Always Rational Kpop Podcast you've heard my frequent uninvited guest, the motorcycle. I know it must be maddening for Doctor or Noelle to try to edit the show with that nonsense going on, usually while I'm mid sentence, though it can be a fun drinking game in our longer podcast episodes recorded on Sundays. Please don't do it you'll die of alcohol poisoning and I don't need that on my tab.

The fact of the matter is, there is a subsection of males in this community that own dirtbikes or regular flavor motorcycles that feel the need to show off. (There are of course the courteous lot who don't block the lanes, get in my way or otherwise be a dick that doesn't obey the rules of the road.) It's a similar thought process to the gentlemen that will speed absurdly in their motor cars and thrust their cars into a spin or burn figure eights into the ground. These motorcycle enthusiasts will more often than not, while not strapping their brain matter in with helmets, lift their front tyre off of the ground, something we here refer to colloquially as "popping".

I'm sure if you've never seen it before it's an astonishing feat, especially if you're under the age of eight. However, by the time you're an adult you've likely seen it hundreds or thousands of times if you're unlucky and quite frankly it's boring and obnoxious. Look dickhole, you're not going to impress me by showing me how stupid and reckless you are. I'm not going to date a guy that in a matter of days will be little more than a puddle and a stain on the road.

At least for god's sake if you're going to make all of that noise, if you're going to run past my house or my place of business thirty times a day perfecting a stunt, do something awesome.

Learn to Moto X, learn how to shatter every bone in your body and your spleen and still get up in pursuit of the greatest trick known to man. Learn to race competitively, become a daredevil, anything but be a wastrel who just hangs out on the blocks all day and annoys people. And if you survive, there's pretty good money in extreme sports and endorsements and junk.

Because the way you are right now, I kinda hope you become a stain on the pavement, and maybe your life will serve a purpose in preventing other idiots from suffering the fate of death by stupid. I know I shouldn't, but you make it so easy.

Wasted Words

2011-03-24T20:28:00.005-04:00

I get a lot of unsolicited words, being a moderately attractive young woman living in this country, populated as it is by men and women desperate to get their rocks off to briefly take their minds off of the downward spiral we may or may not be collapsing into. Most of them are variants of "Smile, you'd look a lot prettier" or "Hey sexy, what's your number?". I usually shrug off both, but the former sticks pretty resolutely in my craw.

I have a pretty smile, I know, but when I'm contemplating, thinking up great ideas, depressed or generally day dreaming I tend not to smile. That's mostly because I'm very aware of what I look like from the outside. My smile spreads quickly across my face without warning, and has a very sadistic, slightly mischievous tinge to it that well, makes me look like a crazy person. I don't display genuine smiles often, because I don't believe in forcing a smile. That's why most of my posed pictures look wooden due to the fake smile.

I'm saying all of this to say, well, telling me I need to smile is the easiest way to get me into full-on "Fuck YOU and The Horse you rode in on!" mode. That is, usually. Today on my way back from my usual trek to the gas station at lunchtime a Mercedes stopped several feet away from me (No it's not what you're thinking) and the lone male occupant shouted, "This'll put a smile on your face."

No he didn't unzip or hand me the keys or whatever weird thing you're thinking of. The guy turned out to be one of the (formerly) young people that grew up in the same church I did. He's quite a bit older, (probably ten years) but I've always been close to his twin sister (I was way too old for my age) and always thought he was cool. So that smile people love to see crept out, actually bidden for once, and somehow managed to stick around despite the followup questions.

"So what are you doing hanging around in these parts?" (It's not the best neighborhood)

"I work right there" I pointed at the wall to his left.

"Oh you do? So what you up to? You married?"

"No."

"Getting married?"

"No."

"Any Kids?"

"No."

"Got a boyfriend?"

"No."

"Well you better hurry up work on that. You're getting old you know."

"Later, I gotta get back to the...you know...over there."

He drove off, leaving me to cross the street with a fading smile. I suppose you have figured out by now how much I hate to be reminded that women are judged by the quality of the (usually) male partner they keep and if she hasn't settled down by my age (I'm 25 for Chrissakes) there's something wrong with her.

So basically, what I'm saying is I've got an empty uterus, for better or worse.

Help.

Ever Realized Too Late That You Loved Someone?

2011-03-15T17:30:00.002-04:00

You know the cool Tomboy character that makes fun of the girly girls for being slaves to their emotions that is inevitably heartbroken because she was too emotionally deaf to recognize or act on her own feelings? No? Well that is embarrassing, for me not for you, because that has been me for most of my life.

The person that encouraged me to start up this blog was one of the few people I actually told the other side of this story to. That of course makes this website the perfect place to share it. The idea behind that being that it will embarrass me so much that I'll be motivated to bury it in an influx of posts. Reasons being A) It's embarrassing in case you hadn't noticed and B) One sentence from now my friends will know exactly who I'm talking about and if any of them is still in contact it'll get back to him.

Ever met someone that was from the Internet?

That spent most of his or her waking moments in front of their computer and even spoke a form of English composed mostly of memes cobbled together from the darkest recesses of the bowels of the Internet? (I might be exaggerating slightly.) The younger version of me hadn't believed in the existence of actual people like that. Having traversed this site myself but never the more random areas I thought they went back to pretending to be normal in their every day lives.

At first he interested me, much like a puzzle or a science experiment would (I know how this sounds and I promise you I'm not actually this detached anymore and that this story is factual as much as I can remember). Of my friends he became the one I spoke to the most online and since I lived nearby I helped him out with running errands since he no longer had access to a car, you know things friends do for each other. (Among these errands was one to a giant grocery store where instead of using a shopping cart he hid items in his hoodie, which while hilarious remained terrifying because I was also black at that point in my life too.) The more we talked, both online and in person, the more I began to realize personality quirks, insecurities and what were probably disorders that were mirrored in myself. Our school hosted a robot competition once and I saw him "literally" flip out when he saw the large crowd of strangers. I have a problem with crowds myself, but my outwards reaction is significantly more muted. I am well aware of the theory that women are more attracted to men they believe they can fix as it draws out their mothering instinct, but no way in a million years would I have believed that also applied to me.

Any of my friends picked at random would testify that I'm a very emotionally closed off person that shies away from physical intimacy for reasons probably rooted in a childhood of being bullied and isolated by my peers. One day I decided I was going to sit on his lap to test his reaction (not realizing that I was mimicking behavior I'd seen displayed by girls towards the guy they liked) and when I wasn't immediately shoved off it became something I did often.

I should probably note that I'm absurdly oblivious to the emotions of the people around me, but while I noticed he was hanging with another girl more and more often, well...long story short I was probably the last to know that they were together, despite the fact that I spoke to him regularly at the time. My first real clue was probably when I was practically shoved off of him with a silly hastily muttered excuse moments before said girl walked into our club meeting.

The two of them moved away soon after, only telling one member of our group prior to it happening. He shared with this mutual friend that he didn't think anyone else would care to know he was leaving. Needless to say I was infuriated when this information got back to me and as soon as I caught him online, which was probably months after his departure I let him have it. (Probably a bad move in retrospect). After all, I value my friendships fairly highly and given the option, there isn't a single friend I'd abandon, perhaps to my own detriment. I wouldn't go out of my way for a mere acquaintance, that's just not me. I felt as though my feelings as a friend were betrayed by his casual dismissal of himself as a person that was important to the group.

The entire time I didn't realize that my anger ran deeper, how could I? In my previous relationship I hadn't recognized my feelings for that person until another potential suitor essentially asked if this friend had dibs. It's a silly question, but like I've said, I'm closed off from my emotions and lack experience with them.

Shortly after I got involved with a really nice guy and I should apologize to him now. I was never focused on that relationship, and I actually heard through another person (I have far too many friends I hesitate to name in this story) that he suspected I liked the guy I'm writing about now. So even he probably knew that I couldn't possibly have been. If I said I didn't care about him at all I would be lying, but when he asked me out my answer was tempered with genuine feelings of "Ehh, why the hell not" and it took me stupidly long to realize that we weren't going anywhere, mostly my own fault. Not to say he didn't have his bad points, but my own lack of interest probably affected him. At least now, last I heard, he has a good girlfriend, so congrats to him.

It wasn't til a friend and I took a walk around his neighborhood in the wake of my breakup that I ascertained what had been going on with me. Sure I had been angry because my friendship had been seen as nothing, but I was also angry without realizing it at my feelings being rejected. I don't expect anybody to be a mind reader, but I'm not sure if I was the only one at the time that didn't know I liked him, but I wished really hard that my emotions had thought to clue me in before talking to anger and confusion and going into full on hyper-drive without my consent.

Am I okay with the situation now? Maybe. I'm not sure. I haven't seen him in four or so years and I don't know what would happen if I did. Luckily I don't live in the United States so I don't have to face up to that situation. I believe I'd be mature, but I know I would never be honest, I'm far too shy for that.

The friend that encouraged me to start this blog also encouraged me to tell him, mostly because she wants the conclusion to what sounds like a cliché romantic comedy, but it's not me to get between two people that love each other (I don't keep up with their relationship) nor do I believe I would've done anything other than make his issues worse (I'm not the most emotionally supportive person). Even though the last time we talked was 2-3 years ago, there are probably ways to talk again, but I'm a coward, so this post is the next best thing.

In the three or so people that are still reading this long girly post, there's probably at least one of you that's lost their chance because they moved too slowly, because they didn't realize they even had a chance to begin with or whatever. If this resonates with you, I don't even know what advice to give other than to keep your eyes open lest you miss an opportunity with someone else.

As for me, this is likely the closest I'll ever get to telling him. So if you're reading this and it sounds like you it probably is. If you're interested in being friends you know where to reach me, if not let's pretend like this whole entry never happened.

Now that the requisite emotional/baring of the heart post is out of the way let's put this whole embarrassing moment in the past and go back to talking about Kpop, Kamen Rider figures, Wincest and my culture like we're supposed to be doing.

tl;dr Unrequited love that I didn't even realize existed. Screw that noise, Kpop bahybe

Embracing My Inner KRWincest Fan

2011-02-16T19:43:00.000-05:00

Firstly a slight disclaimer: This post is by no means intended to push my friends over at The Ass Backwards Anime Podcast into releasing something somewhat related that we may or may not have recorded this past weekend. If it does release somewhere near the time this entry is posted, you're welcome.

That said, as I contemplated the package that was about to arrive in my name while working today, a thought struck me. There was once a time, I'd say about mid-high school up until last week when I clicked "Add to Cart" on Amazon when I quite delicately straddled the line between Nerd and Cool. I was a kid who loved to read, to write in my folder, to watch cartoons, to play video games either on the PC or the Playstation (as was all the rage back in the late nineties) who gobbled up the latest EGM or Gamepro magazine, who aced tests without effort, and played Clarinet in the school band yet at the same time I played basketball and softball in my spare time, one of them for the school even, was an ardent sports fan and knew more than enough about music, fashion, movies and the latest gossip to keep up with what was going on outside of my nerd circle. These habits only continued into adulthood and I've found myself able to befriend people on either side of the spectrum. I suppose this magnificent balancing act began to wobble back in September of 2009, spectacularly keeping everyone who noticed on their toes until it fell to a silent, screaming death on February 8th, 2011, the day I bought this:

If you're keeping score at home, you know that this is a figure from Kamen Rider W, in particular, the Fang/Joker form, which unlike the other forms, is one that uses Phillip's body as the base. Also, spoilers. There are many videos on youtube apparently of an unboxing/review of this figure so I won't bother, especially since I've got enough compulsions when it comes to keeping my possessions in order that will probably prevent me from even opening the box. I'm trying to ignore that this means that I'm diving headfirst into this nerdy/tokusatsu fandom thing.

Seeing as you either have or haven't seen Kamen Rider W at this point, there will be a relevant SSAAPodcast ep to compliment this post, but here is Fang Joker in action:

I will reiterate something we mentioned in the episode, Masaki Suda, who plays Philip, the dude with the paperclips in his hair and the weird sleeveless hoodie and the bright colours whose mannerisms and whatnot appear to be at least 17 different flavours of fruity actually has a pretty damn manly voice. The rest of the show you can discover for yourself. [It's pretty damn awesome!] And yes, that is a tiny robot dinosaur USB and two of the possible wincest options are included in the video.

As to wincest, I feel the need to explain myself with this definition, being as incest in its natural W-less state is a pretty horrifying, awful thing that often happens to a small child that he or she may never be able to forget or move beyond. However, that W symbolizes many things, mostly, that it's fictional. Now you may argue that the fictionalization of such things glorifies it, and you're probably right if I intended to have a sensible argument. Basically, it is only ever "win" if both parties are quite attractive and neither is aware of their blood relation.

Otherwise it's just wrong.

Of Superheroes...

2011-02-05T21:32:00.000-05:00

No, I'm not talking about Dark Knight Rises, or the new Spiderman reboot, or Thor or Captain America, or even the new Superman reboot, despite that being somewhat related. No, this post is about something that's been hovering untyped in a notebook of mine and it's probably just bare bones and you shouldn't judge it too harshly.

That completely out of the way, yeah, this is Supanigga, he who was heralded here

Part 1 (of many?)

The frustrated lieutenant chased his boss up the stairs to the roof. He found the man looking over the edge of the building down at the bustling city. “It's not humanly possible for the bomb squad to disarm this explosive and then hoof it to the other side of the city and disarm that one in seven minutes! I'm afraid we're going to have a tragedy on our hands if someone doesn't intervene chief!”

The chief pointed up at the sky, a slight smirk on his face. “No need to worry. I've already called in reinforcements.”

A distant figure in the sky, at first small enough to pass off as a smudge on his glasses slowly started getting bigger and eventually crash landed impressively onto the roof, standing woozily to his feet.

“We have a situation-” the chief began.

The newcomer cut him off arrogantly. “Commissioner, I thought we had a discussion about the signal five months, three weeks and two days ago? Seriously? Watermelon, chicken and beer? Who do you expect to show up? Ludacris? Cause I spoke to him and even he thinks this shit is offensive. I don't even know any black people that buy watermelon unless it's on sale.”

“As soon as the budget allows we'll change it. If you'd just reduce your fees a bit-”

“Do you want me to just smash it?” he raised a hand threateningly over the spotlight. “Cause I'm feeling a lot like smashing things right now.”

“Have you been drinking?” the Lieutenant sniffed the hero and then gagged, covering his nose quickly.

“Maybe,” he squinted, the sunlight doing a number on him. “What day is today?”

“It's Sunday,” he snapped, annoyed that they were having this conversation.

“What time?”

“11:45 A. M. Look, can we stop playing around? Two bombs are primed to go off on opposite ends of town in three minutes.”

He leapt off the roof. “I'm late for church!”

The young lieutenant groaned. “Why do we have to be so reliant on an irresponsible super powered junkie?”

His boss crossed his arms behind his back. “That junkie's the best man we've got for the job,” he saluted. “Godspeed Supanigga.”

~~~

The press conference was customary after the superhero did something particularly heroic, and sometimes even after he didn't do much of anything at all. The impossibly handsome hero wearing his 59FIFTY cap with the brim turned backwards, a baggy black T-shirt at least three sizes too big, a platinum necklace studded with so many diamonds that it blinded the reporters in the front row every time a camera went off leaned back in his chair lazily, grinning at the crowd eager for his every sound byte. He pointed at a well-known gossip blogger seated in the middle.

The man stood. “Supanigga, in just forty-five seconds you removed two improvised explosive devices from the orphanage and the police academy and detonated them safely away from civilization, all with a superhuman hangover,” he sounded in awe. “What drives you to such success despite your setbacks?”

He leaned forward to speak into the microphone, his tone humble. “Well, orphans have such difficult lives already without adding the excruciating trauma of being dead or exploded. As for the 5-0 in waiting, it takes a lot of guts to sign up for pig duty in a city filled with supervillains and dangerous maniacs, and I respect that a lot. Really I'm just doing what any citizen would do if they could fit in my drawers.”

The crowd of reporters chuckled.

“As for only taking forty-five seconds, I was late to church, and my grandmother kicks like a horse. Just trying to make the best of a bad situation, not aiming for a record,” he grinned, switching subjects. “If I was stripped of all of my superpowers but one I'd keep my near-magical ability to please women in ways they would've never dreamed of before. That was going to be your question, right Cecile Blaylock of the Enquirer?” he pointed at a beautiful blonde woman who slowly lowered her hand, a deep blush on her face. “It's not quite telepathy,” he clarified, “but it's just as useful.” he winked and she swooned. “Someone get Miss Blaylock some water, a towel and a change of underwear or things will get messy.”

Two members of his security team carefully carried her out of the room for medical attention.

“Well,” his publicist began. “If there's no other questions we can put a bow on this press conference.”

A long silence was the only reply from the gathered reporters, and then a long punctuated sigh interrupted it. A pretty, well-dressed black woman in her late twenties stood up, addressing her colleagues. “If you're all done lobbing your precious hero the softest of softball questions, I'd like to actually do my job.”

Instead of being annoyed at her attitude, Supanigga appeared entranced and even a bit excited. “Destinee, right? Go ahead.”

She looked a bit put off by his overly familiar use of just her first name, but continued anyway, her professional tone laced with a bit of anger. “Supanigga, how do you answer to allegations that your alter-ego is a deadbeat Dad and has been delinquent in child-support to at least three women for over fourteen months? And while you're at it, come up with a lie to explain why you're intentionally bleeding the treasury dry. From all accounts, you lived a comfortable life before you donned the tights with both your careers as a rapper and a professional athlete and have no real need for the ridiculous fees you charge for your “rescue”. Have you ever considered that by bankrupting community programs that help the less fortunate and at-risk teens you're personally creating your own rogues' gallery? Or has that been your plan all along? After all, you're not like the rest of us. You're invulnerable, you're impossibly fast, and you probably get bored. What do you care if a few more hundred humans die a year?”

“That's quite enough,” his publicist leaned over and spoke into the dumbfounded hero's microphone. “How about we offer you a private interview with Supanigga to provide you with factual information before you accidentally print your uninformed opinion and we have to sue you for slander?”

Destinee did not look thrilled with the non-answer, but the murmurs of disgust on the part of her colleagues was well worth the completely stupid expression on the arrogant vigilante's face.

“With that we're going to have to draw this press conference to an end,” he attempted to cut off any more questions in that vein off at the pass. “Thank you for your time,” he hoisted his client up by the arm and the security team whisked him off out of the building and into his waiting limousine.

The car was occupied by the head of his record label and high school friend, Alpheus J. Cambridge IV. “It would do wonders for your reputation if you actually made an effort to deny the things that were blatantly false.”

Supanigga grinned, the vapid expression vanishing completely from his face. “But there's no fun in that whatsoever. It's part of my mystique.”

“Your mystique is that you're a moron, and it's making the rest of us look bad. This reporter,” he pointed at the frozen video of her standing and asking her question, in full attack-mode. “You break her heart or something? She's been savagely fixated on destroying you in the public eye for well over a year now,” he showed him a Supanigga hate-blog. “Whatever you did I suggest you smooth things over, she's actually talented at her job unlike the rest of those idiots. She could actually expose you.” he stared seriously at the other man. “And the rest of us with you.”

Supanigga opened the mini-bar, ignoring his friend and popping a bottle of Hennessy open. He chugged from it as though it were his last refuge in a desert. “You're getting all worked up over nothing. She clearly wanted some one-on-one time with the Super-Dick, she's getting it and this'll be done and we can move on to more important things.”

Alpheus slapped his forehead with his palm. “It is amazing that you can be this blind. And could you stop referring to your penis like that?”

“I'm only repeating what the ladies all say,” he shuffled forward in his seat, lowering his voice. “And speaking of ladies, how is your fine-ass wife?”

Alpheus' expression turned vicious. “Still not attracted to you.”

He laughed. “It must suck to know it's only a matter of time.”

“Ray,” he warned.

“When you see her tell her I still need to know the answer to my question.”

“What question?” he snapped.

“I need to know how she manages to pack all of that ass,” he pantomimed it with his hands. “into those tiny little shorts.”

I have an Ugly Comforter

2011-02-02T19:31:00.000-05:00

I had a completely different post all written out fully prepared to type when I got home, but then at around 5:35pm, while I was in a grocery store with my mother, in came a text from the courier service I use to import items.

"Yo, you gots a package."

I squeed a bit on the inside, because from compulsively checking their website, I knew it was my Kpop, just waiting on me to embrace it. Unfortunately, first we had to finish shopping, and then I had roughly an hour to get home and get there before they closed at 7. Time for me to unleash the Superhuman driving skills I'd acquired in 4 and a half years of driving in South Florida and two and a half of driving on the crazy mean streets of Nassau, New Providence Bahamas.

The ATM opted to thwart me from picking up my buddy's package as well, as I only had a few bills and a pocket full of change, so I paid the freight and duty on my package and bolted. Seriously, Wild Horses couldn't slow me down.

Finally, I made it home, cleaned up my room a bit, and unpacked what I'd been waiting for since I placed the order on 1/21/2011 (Hong Kong is far away mang).

Here's what they look like outside of the bubble wrap.

Since I always choose to get a wide variety of Kpop, this time I completely ignored girl groups and female singers (except my girl Navi, who at the time of the order her album wasn't released, so there'll be a day or two lag on shipment to me). *Official youtube links posted when possible.

First off is Taeyang's (of Big Bang) first full solo album, Solar, the International version with Bonus English songs.

Here's the lead single from that album, I need a Girl, the redone MV.

Next is 2AM's first full album under Big Hit Entertainment, Saint O'Clock

This is the MV I prefer of the two released, "You Wouldn't Answer My Call"

I got a rapper that I'd followed from the underground scene straight through his signature by a major Idol music label, and into his 1.5 years of completely radio silence. Then came his album release and his sense of humor remained intact despite being under a Idol company.

Untouchable is a rap duo from underground crew Jiggy Fellaz, that got signed to TS Entertainment and started producing mainstream songs.

Here's their lead single, Make A Fuss, ft. Vasco

Had to grab BEAST's mini-album 4, partly because they're from Cube and are incredibly talented and make great songs, and partly because they're awesome. Known initially for being the reject group (having one former pre-debut member of Big Bang, former solo artist AJ, several former Hot Blood JYPE trainees and a former Xing member) they exploded onto the scene with a bang, kicking ass and stealing hearts. Grabbed the version with a bonus DVD.

Here goes the MV for Beautiful, equipped with some neat dancing and a completely unnecessary love story.

And lastly, despite G-Dragon's solo album not convincing me that I needed it in my life, his collaboration with fellow Big Bang rapper TOP practically forced me to make this order. Yes, that is my hand, I do have a mole on it.

Their three released MVs so far are all awesome and I'd be doing you a complete disservice to not link them all.
High High - Crazy fun looking party

Knock Out - Just pure ridiculousness, nothing about this video makes sense and I love it that way.

And lastly, the recently released: Baby Goodnight.
(In case you're slow, the snake is his penis & the strawberry/pomegranate is her vagina.) This is allegedly the clean version which could falsely lead us to believe that there's an unclean one to come maybe.

And that's everything for now, except for Navi. I don't have her album yet, but I'll link her MV just so you guys have a pretty girl to look at and listen to.

Navi - Well Done

Ballet Movie? You're really going to screw me like this?

2011-01-23T00:37:00.000-05:00

So Black Swan, that was a movie for sure. I saw it on Christmas Eve as I was getting my hair shingled by my brother's girlfriend. Maybe it was because of the occasional brain splitting pain while watching, but I wasn't particularly fond of the movie. Reasons include: the obvious choreographing of the end of the film from the first ten to twenty minutes, the foreshadowing of her psychosis having a kind of lame payoff, and the absurdity of the final scene.

I really did like the performance of Barbara Hershey as her mother. She was genuinely frightening as Natalie Portman's character's stage mother, even though I figured out about ten seconds in that Nina's birth had completely destroyed her chance at a career, thus the insanity about Nina's personal life.

All of that being said, it's probably glaringly obvious that I watched a not-quite legal version of the film, seeing as I was in the middle of something that couldn't be done in a dark movie theatre. This is because here in the Bahamas we are blessed with something known as the Bahamas Plays and Film Control Board. It is the way it sounds, a group of people that determine which plays and films are acceptable for consumption by the Bahamian public and they are the voice that decides which movies come in to the country. Seeing as this movie has a very publicized lesbian sex scene (which unfortunately is incredibly underwhelming) and the BPFCB is well known for having religious leading views, I had come to the conclusion that this movie would get the banhammer. Since I had an interest in the film I opted to watch it in the theatre of my home.

So today, January 22nd, approximately a month later I headed to the movie theatre to watch Green Hornet. After the indignity of being asked if I was "Going to get some dick?" on the way in by some unsavory characters and waiting twenty minutes for them to open their doors to let us in I was on my way into the room to get seats when I see on the tiny marquee "Black Swan".

What the actual fuck? What the hell was this doing here? Is someone trying to make me look like a crazy person by disputing my posts on facebook?

The (assumed) truth is far simpler. It's award show season. Our one movie theatre franchise has a habit of bringing in nominated films for about a week belatedly for the few interested people to see. The movie is pretty heavily nominated and Natalie Portman has just won a Golden Globe, so I can see why they would succumb, too bad it's after I've already seen it and no longer want to see it ever again. The worst part is now I feel like a tool for watching a movie for free that I could've eventually seen legally. You might be thinking "Well at least you didn't waste seven bucks on a movie you didn't even like".

You'd be right, I wasted that seven bucks on "Little Fockers" because I'm a good friend and I didn't even murder my friends afterwards. You can congratulate me for being an awesome person in the comments, but not Galleria Cinemas.

Galleria Cinemas can eat a bowl of dicks.

Standard Disclaimer

2011-01-19T19:16:00.000-05:00

I am a person that knows a lot of things, most of them probably aren't facts, and the majority of them are probably things that have been made up and fit my own vision of reality. So be forewarned that a lot of things written here may be written in jest about situations I only have the most tenuous grasp of what is really going on that I scribble with my trollface firmly on, while others I may be 100% serious business about, who really knows.

This place will probably end up being a reflection of the many things that make up the persona I describe on the Internet nowadays as Dame Dr. Foxy Brown, co-host of The Ass Backwards Anime Podcast and Just A Gintama Podcast, and a former co-host of something called the Non-Player Character Podcast, but that defunct thing does not deserve a link. If you know me from any of those places you are probably aware that I'm a semi-complex collection of cells that seems to subsist on Kpop, JDramas, anime and the sustained tears of thousands of unhappy fangirls. Depending on what eventually goes here, I might not actually change your mind, but I figured since I am a Bahamian, and we're a fairly overlooked tiny country and the things that go on here constantly amaze me, I might share a few things every now and then so you don't look like an idiot if you ever scrape together the billions of dollars required for the vacation of a lifetime with your family.

The other thing I am if you couldn't tell by the verbose nature of my posts on twitter at the Ass Backwards Anime Podcast blog, or even this one I'm someone that likes to write in her spare time, and even has something of an ongoing love affair with words (since age 8 it's been tumultuous and sexy). So every now and then I'm going to cross-post some stuff that I've written over the course of my life, dually because I like embarrassing myself and because even if no one else cares, I like to see the growth of my writing style over time, even if I'll never read that junk ever again. This means that yes, it will be brand new original fiction, as well as some thoroughly embarrassing fan fiction I've written (no, not what you're thinking). You also might see the rebirth of Supanigga if I can ever decide what format I want to write him in.

Of course you can expect my many ramblings about Kpop to go here in much longer form. Since I'm really hesitant to post on forums since due to the sheer volume of posts on the more popular topics I tend to get lost in the shuffle. That and I have this weird tendency to over-scrutinize something before I post it on a forum and inevitably erase it. I'm that kind of person whose account gets deleted for inactivity. I might also be inclined to do some write-ups on JDramas that I've particularly enjoyed over the years if their content doesn't crossover well with the podcast(s). Oh yeah, and video games, whatever those things are.

Don't be surprised if this is the only post for months though. I'm lazy like that. Okay I love you buh-bye!